- "WAZZUP MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAS?! (begins playing hard rock music on his guitar) Happy New Years Eve, bitches! It is I, Archangel Azrael of the Heavenly Host, here to grace you sinful shitheads with my annual concert! No fee for tickets! Run, run for your damned afterlives while I sing all'a you hopeless rejects to eternal oblivion! Soak in it while you can, sinners! For it shall be the last thing you ever hear. Girls... IT'S TIME TA ROCK 'N' ROLL!!! (he shreds his guitar, magically conjuring portals which the Exorcists flock from) Do your thing, groupies! Paint this fuckhole red with the blood of every man, woman, sinner, demon, child, and bad mama jama you can find! Oh, and babies! Especially the babies! (laughs maniacally) KILL 'EM ALL!"
- — Azrael commencing an Extermination.
Azrael Morningstar, formerly Archangel Azrael Morningstar of the Heavenly Host is the overarching antagonist of Hazbin Hotel: Journey to the Light.
He serves as a flashback character in Chapter 1, the unseen overarching antagonist of Chapter 2 and 4, and one of the two main antagonists (alongside Izzi) of Chapter 5. He is also the overarching antagonist of Vaggie's storyline.
He was the archangel in charge of protecting Heaven (serving as Michael's successor), the Divine General of the Heavenly Host and "Archangel of Death", the ruler of Heaven's Lukewarm population and the co-founder, creator, and master of the Exterminators along with Adina. He was an angel supremacist who violently opposes the presence of all demons (including redeemed souls) in Heaven, as well as the angel who issued and established the annual Exterminations.
Biography
Background
Azrael was the youngest of the Morningstar family, the highest-ranking royal family of Heaven, all bonded by soul. He was considered the "black sheep" of his family. When he was 8-year-old, Azrael witnessed the War in Heaven, but survived the battle under the protection of his caretakers. In the aftermath of the war's conclusion, Azrael's relationship with his immediate family took a stark turn. Their responsibilities to Heaven became all-consuming—ranging from overseeing the post-war reconstruction to commemorating the departed souls. Consequently, Azrael found himself distanced from his own kin, their obligations eclipsing any semblance of familial interaction. Indifferent to the war that had left millions dead or homeless, Azrael made fervent attempts to reconnect with his siblings, imploring them to ignore their duties and engage in playful activities reminiscent of pre-war times. His attempts were met with either rejection due to their extensive commitments or outright indifference. Left to his own devices, Azrael experienced comedic moments of emotional turmoil, such as struggling and failing to play two-person games by himself, grappling with the loneliness that accompanied his familial estrangement. Because of his siblings' consistent care for injured or deceased humans, Azrael grew to resent humans. This fueled his perception that his family held a greater affection for humans, making him feel unreasonably envious.
Eventually, Azrael's oldest sibling, Michael, passed his position as commander of the Heaven Host to Azrael, the reason behind this being that Azrael and his siblings were chosen to maintain the Universe alongside their Father, God, and Michael had desired the glory of serving under God rather than Heaven and decided to replace Azrael. Azrael was left alone in Heaven while his siblings joined their Father.
After receiving his unexpected promotion, Azrael believed that his family grew to hate him since he was an "inefficient" leader. To make up for this perceived flaw, Azrael, under the instructions of Adina, doubled down on his leadership, intimidating everyone around him to the point where they followed his every command out of fear, and persecuting all non-angels with extreme prejudice, slowly becoming corrupted by his perceived inferiority and view of sin and evil. Using his power over them, Azrael began banishing any lukewarm saint brave enough to defy him, or would have parts of angels' memories wiped so that they would be forced to be loyal to him. After centuries of brainwashing or banishing any dissenters, Azrael became widely beloved by the denizens of Heaven (especially the religious zealots, who became his primary fanbase), to the point where he was widely regarded as the greatest defender in Heaven's history. However, despite his immense power within Heaven, Azrael was completely unable to touch or affect Heaven's saint population, who remained in the highest ring of Heaven outside of the archangel's influence.
Due to Azrael's laws and impossibly high standards, Heaven became far more strict with which human soul would be allowed within, with human souls who were good people their entire lives being sent to Hell for things as minor as reading pornography or stealing something when they were children. Overtime, this led to the Pride Ring of Hell becoming severely overpopulated. Effectively, the only human souls allowed entry into Heaven were fanatic, self-righteous zealots who were just as prejudiced as Azrael himself, or those who had never committed a single sin in their lifetime.
After Azrael's elevation to the sole archangel of Heaven, the archangel traveled to Heaven's embassy in Hell along with Adina to perform a deal with the King of Hell. On their diplomatic mission, Azrael proposed an annual culling within the Pride Ring, with Adina, feigning some level of noble intention, claimed that it was to "help" the Pride Ring's overpopulation problem. Lucifer, harboring bitterness towards sinners and resenting them for being "unfun", agreed to the deal, allowing them to kill billions of his own subjects every year out of petty hatred. Azrael then proposed his extremist idea to Heaven's officials, telling them they could use the cleanse to stop the Root of Evil from gaining power from the wrongdoings of Hell's overwhelming population. After receiving their blessing, Azrael proceeded to establish the Exorcist Corps, an army comprising exclusively female angels, dedicated to executing Azrael's commands and aiding in the cleansing effort.
Azrael attended a routine meeting with Heaven's leadership in Heaven's Courtroom, where they judged the fate of Vagatha. Azrael was bored throughout the meeting and was ready to condemn Vagatha, until he heard that Vagatha had killed her father. Despite the initial inclination towards condemning her, Azrael admired her "killing instinct" and have her soul passage into Haven, where she would have no choice but to join his Exorcist legions and massacre demons as repentance for her sins.
After that, Vagatha was reborn in Haven and mockingly renamed her "Vaggie". Due to her sins, Azrael and his lieutenant Lute were especially cruel to her, and Azrael happily allowed her to be mistreated by Lute regularly, not doing anything except taunting and demoting Vaggie after Lute cut one of her eyes out.
One Extermination day, after Vaggie murdered one of her teammates to protect Hellspawn children and attacked Lute back, she was forced to answer to Azrael for her actions. Vaggie finally stood up to herself, refusing to continue being an Exterminator and when the archangel reminded her of his threats, Vaggie, in rage, yelled that she would rather burn in Hell then ever serve and pleasure him. As a punishment for her defiance, Azrael attempted to have Vaggie's memories erased so that she would be forced to serve him gladly. However, Azrael was swayed by Vaggie's pleading and reluctantly agreed, much to Lute's dismay, although she eventually aligned with Azrael upon learning of the seemingly insurmountable nature of Vaggie's task. With a look of pure sinister intent, Azrael offered Vaggie a second chance, assigning her a perilous mission to journey into Hell and assassinate the Princess of Hell, Charlie Magne. Despite being fully aware of the near-impossible odds, Vaggie, fueled by desperation, accepted the mission.
From Azrael's office, Azrael and Lute maintained communication with Vaggie through comms linked to her Exorcist mask, with Azrael confidently kicking back and eagerly anticipating news of the princess's demise. However, as days turned into weeks, Azrael's confidence waned. Growing impatient with Vaggie's lack of progress, he and Lute projected their images through her Exorcist mask, speaking with her directly.
Azrael impatiently demanded an explanation for why the Princess of Hell was not dead despite his explicit orders. Unfazed, Vaggie courageously confronted her former superiors, renouncing her allegiance to the Exorcists and emphatically declaring to Azrael that she would rather face the fires of Hell than continue to serve him. With determined resolve, she terminated the communication by using the archangelic dagger intended to end Charlie's life to destroy her Exorcist mask—a symbolic gesture breaking free from Azrael's influence. This act left Azrael absolutely furious, prompting him to furiously destroy his communication device in a fit of apoplectic fury.
In an attempt of revenge, Azrael and Adina marked Vaggie for death for her "betrayal" of the Exorcists, sending Fitch to eliminate her, though the demon hunter would end up sparing Vaggie in his mission after gaining respect for her.
Later, during a ceremony in the Empyrean, Azrael and Lute were given and soul-bonded to a baby boy by Queen Asherah for them to care for and raise. Naturally, they planned to raise the child as a ruthless and efficient Exorcist commander, though Azrael saw the child as useless until they would come of age as a righteous warrior and rock star.
Years afterward, Azrael, his lieutenant, Lute, and a squad of Exterminators traveled to Heaven's embassy in Hell for a meeting with the princess of Hell, Charlotte Magne. Despite the princess behaving in a cordial manner and respectfully requesting the archangel to cease the Extermination so that she could redeem sinners so they could be accepted into Heaven, Azrael treated the princess and her ideals with mocking cruelty, refusing to believe that sinners could be reformed, and telling the princess the only proper way to save damned souls was to erase them. He declared that Charlie's plan was an affront to Heaven and an insult to his position, as the Exterminators would be jobless without the Extermination. He then dismissed the princess from Heaven's embassy before turning to Heaven himself with his Exterminator entourage.
Events of Hazbin Hotel: Journey to the Light
Short Stories
In "Heavy Lutey", Azrael is in his throne room until Lute comes in, blood-soaked and reporting to the archangel the successful slaughter of demons. Azrael is thrilled by this victory and openly aroused by Lute's blood-soaked appearance, finding it attractive. Though Lute downplays her injuries and claims the blood isn't hers, Azrael seems more interested in her than the mission itself, which Lute takes a mental note of.
Chapter 5
In "Enter Through the Narrow Gate", Azrael and Lute thunderously appear before a massive crowd of angels during the Celebration of God, to which he is greeted with thunderous applause by the populace. After complimenting Sera on her song, Azrael addresses the audience on the impending Extermination Day, imploring the anti-Extermination angels to cease their protests. However, a select few defiant angels in the crowd begin challenging Azrael's views, declaring that the cleanse is unethical and immoral. Azrael's supporters begin lashing out at the angels for their insubordination, to which Lute silences the crowd when an all-out argument breaks out. With his control threatened, Azrael begins using fearmongering tactics to keep the crowd on his side, claiming that Lucifer would use the overwhelming numbers of the demon populace to ravage Heaven, and the cleanse is the only way to prevent this. Azrael then discreetly orders Deerie to have the opposing angels banished from Heaven, before telling the audience that, despite God's absence, His "light" still shines in Heaven through Azrael himself and that all angelkind must obey him for the betterment of their race.
Hours later, Azrael meets up with the Seraphim sisters, Sera and Serenity. There, Azrael tasks Serenity with delivering new rules for saints to Saint Peter. Serenity speaks out about her concerns about the strict regulations and suggests making it easier for souls to enter Heaven. The conversation takes a turn when Serenity questions the cleanse and advocates for giving sinners a chance to repent. Azrael strongly opposes this idea, asserting his authority, while Sera supports the notion of lowering standards but dismisses the possibility of accepting sinners in her belief that there are no noble demons. The disagreement intensifies, leading to a heated exchange where Serenity criticizes the Heavenly Host's treatment of demons, and Sera accuses her of wanting to allow evil into Heaven. The argument escalates, and Serenity flies away in tears. Azrael cruelly mocks Serenity, prompting Sera to defend her sister.
Later, Azrael receives a report from his secretary Deerie, who confirms the dissenting angels from the Celebration of God had been removed. Upon arriving to his inner sanctum, a stressed Azrael summons Lute, who eagerly descends into his arms and lifts his spirits with comments of praise. Azrael also receives a report from Lute that a squadron of Exterminators were sent to deal with a rouge band of demons who had been plotting to attack of Heaven. Azrael then teleported himself and Lute to Haven to oversee the training of the Exterminators in preparation for the impending Extermination.
In Haven, the terrifying Exorcists all assemble as Azrael gives a speech of superiority and madness to all of them. Azrael reminds them of their importance of their role as his soldiers in the neverending war between Heaven and Hell. He urges them to be the best while still asserting their "divine purpose" as women created by God to serve and worship him. Azrael portrays himself as a mighty and righteous figure guiding them in the battle against Hell, especially against the Overlords. Two of Azrael's side-girls then bestow Azrael's cherished electric guitar upon the mad archangel, who ends his speech laughing maniacally while channeling an aura of holy lightning.
In "Make New Friends But Keep Roo", Azrael investigates a massive commotion in the center of Halo City, where he discovers that Sera, Serenity, and Leo Lightheart have gone missing. Though nonplussed at this news, Azrael calmly tells the denizens of Heaven that everything is under control, but when he makes it back to his inner sanctum, he unleashes all of his anger, destroying furniture and even assaulting several Exterminators, enraged that Sera would seemingly go behind his back. To calm Azrael down, Lute brings him to the hidden chambers of their sanctum to reveal a family of Hellhounds that she had captured and brought to Heaven at one point. Azrael is elated to see this and starts off by murdering the father by vibrating him to death with his magic guitar, all while mockingly chastising the demon race for viewing their own kind as slaves and using it as an excuse for why they should be wiped out. Turned on by the sight of demon blood, Lute and Azrael begin flirting with each other, leading to Lute stroking Azrael's penis through his cloak and making out with him passionately as they agree to have sex in the pool of the demon's blood once Azrael is through killing them. The two angels then laugh maniacally as Azrael murders the mother and her pups with his magic guitar.
In "Over the Moon with Ecstasy", Azrael is sunbathing by his pool in the patio of his luxurious sanctum while making two Exterminators cool him off with palm fans. He orders an Exterminator patrolling his sanctum to turn on his stereo, which begins blaring rock music (specifically a parody of "I Love Rock N' Roll"). Azrael bombastically sings along to the music until he is interrupted by the sounds of his son, Azuriel, crying because of the music disturbing him. Greatly annoyed, Azrael orders another Exterminator to go quiet the young angel, before finishing his musical number by smashing his guitar.
In "Metatron, The Voice of God", Azrael and Lute are enjoying their off-time, with Azrael flying through bright blue and pastel skies of Heaven with Lute riding on his back, both angels wearing shades and listening to rock 'n' roll music. Lute, though amused by Azrael's attitude, suggests that they return to training the Exorcists for the upcoming Extermination. Azrael bitterly agrees, if only to review auditions for his backup singers. Azrael's facetious attitude regarding the cleanse irritates Lute, who demands that he focus on the job at hand. Upset at having to do his job, Azrael inquires why so many humans choose to sin, to which Lute replies that it is merely a byproduct of the human race having free will. Azrael suggests that they should take free will away from humans, which greatly disturbs and disgusts Lute. She says that if humans are stripped of their free will, it would make them little more than slaves at the beck and call to angels. Azrael explains the pros of such a thing happening (specifically ones that would benefit himself), and Lute seemingly agrees with his extreme idea. After Azrael arrives back at his sanctum with Lute, the archangel summons Deerie to inform the Speaker of God to meet him at his sanctum to discuss Serenity and Sera.
After Lute disciplines two Exorcists who failed to pacify Azuriel, Azrael commends Lute for her loyalty, his mood becoming noticeably sour. Lute notices this and deduces that this is because of her loving attitude towards Azuriel. Lute promises Azrael that Azuriel will grow up to be a fine Exterminator worthy of Azrael's respect, though the archangel clearly doubts that. Deerie returns and informs Azrael that the Speaker of God is awaiting Azrael's arrival in his sanctum.
Azrael heads inside his sanctum where the Speaker of God himself is waiting. Azrael informs the Voice of God that Sera and Serenity have abandoned their posts in Heaven and tasks the Speaker of God with returning them to Heaven. The Speaker of God suggests to Azrael that they allow the seraphim princesses to complete their mission to find Heaven's Light, despite their rash actions, but the archangel demands that the princesses be immediately returned to Heaven. The Speaker of God suggests the benefits of Heaven's Light's being returned to Heaven, asking what the other archangels would think about how Azrael has chose to run Heaven. Azrael gets enraged at this and intimidates the Speaker of God into finding Sera and Serenity. Azrael is greatly upset following his meeting with the Speaker of God, though Lute greets him with a Golden Arches happy meal to cheer him up, much to the archangel's childish joy.
In "What's Up, Heaven?", Azrael, messily munching on some donuts, arrives to Haven's training center to overlook the Exorcists training (i.e stare at their behinds and make sexual comments). His "assessment" of their training is interrupted when the Speaker of God informs Azrael that the Ophanim have discovered that Manco and Charlie's Angels are in Hell. Fearing for their safety, the Speaker sends a flock of Ophanim angels to bring the children back to Heaven. Seeing that the children have been at the Hazbin Hotel, Azrael takes an interest in persuading the children on his ideology.
The Ophanim angels successfully take Manco and the children back to Heaven, despite Charlie and the hotel crew's desperate attempts to stop them, dropping the children directly in front of the gates of Heaven. The confused children are greeted by an entourage of cherubs, who cheerfully sing to them the lengthy list of all of Heaven's rules and regulations. After affirming Heaven's laws, the cherubs introduce Azrael, who stands atop the gates of Heaven, singing about how awesome he is and how he has made Heaven a true paradise by ridding it of "sinners", "nonconformers" and "freaks". Azrael uses his magic motorcycle to fly down with the children and the cherubs, and engages in an upbeat, electrifying musical number about Heaven's facade of perfection, with the cherubs and Exterminators as his backup dancers. During the musical number, Azrael and his groupies insist Heaven does not have an underpopulation problem, and portray their holy kingdom as a picture-perfect paradise with immaculate surroundings, imposed dress codes, overbearing rules, and manicured lawns where everyone "embraces the cookie-cutter". However, beneath this facade lies a society plagued by conformity, rigidity, and a lack of acceptance, which Azrael and his groupies conveniently and happily skirt by.
After the number, Azrael greets Charlie's Angels personally and holds a photo shoot with them so he can boost his popularity by claiming he saved them. With Lute by his side, the archangel tours the children through Heaven, which they have not been to in centuries (or years, for Manco). Manco, though he appreciates being back in Heaven and is mesmerized by its beauty, bothers Azrael about taking him from Charlie without giving him a chance to say any goodbyes. Azrael handwaves it and just tells Manco to forget about his time in Hell, as he is back in Heaven. Azrael decides to torment Manco for fun, summoning a portal to Purgatory and acting as if Manco is going to be banished there as a punishment for "leaving" Heaven. Upon seeing Manco in a very emotional state, Azrael randomly blames his trauma on the hotel crew and calls Ebony over to escort the children to their new homes, intending to show them more of Heaven on the next day.
On his way to the Divine Court, Lute tells Azrael that the children are under the sway of the Devil and should be returned to Hell or, "preferably", executed. Azrael remains confident that he can "cleanse" their souls, and assures Lute he has a contingency plan in the case that they cannot be rehabilitated peacefully. Azrael and Lute then enter the personal station of Adina, the Divine Priestess of the Heavenly Court. The archangel tells Adina about the children's recovery, who is amused by the idea of mere angelic children finding their way into Hell. Upon hearing Lute's concerns, Adina briefly muses over having the children killed, but decides to let Azrael have his fun to see if the children have been corrupted. Through Azrael and Lute's report, Adina hears of the Hazbin Hotel and its intentions to redeem sinners. The High Priestess is offended by what the hotel stands for, due to her unshakable belief that the only way to "save" the damned is to destroy their souls. Adina declares her and Azrael's intention to destroy the hotel and its inhabitants, declaring that it is the will of the Lord. Adina then indulges in a melodic musical number revolving around her corrupt beliefs, all while bragging about the demons she has erased and cleansed in tribute to God, or sometimes just for "giggles". The song is capped off by Azrael going on an overly-long guitar solo until Adina calmly asks him to stop.
In "Hell 2 Heaven", five days before the Extermination, Azrael hosts a small concert outside of the home of Charlie's Angels, waking them up. Once the children come out of their homes, Azrael finishes his musical number and has several cherubs shower the children in gifts (which is all just his merchandise).
Later, the children are getting along with the other young winners of Heaven, who are obviously curious and anxious to know about their experiences in Hell. During this, Simon spills the beans about the Hazbin Hotel despite being told not to, and word quickly spreads across Heaven of the hotel and its intentions, with many angels supporting the hotel and willing to fight for it (provided the sinners within are completely reformed), while a select few view it as an "abomination".
In "Remember Who the Enemy Is", two days before the Extermination, Azrael continues touring the children and explains to them his schedule, bragging that he can anything he wants because Heaven is a paradise that rarely needs active protecting. Clearly desperate for the kids' affinity, Azrael brags that Heaven is the paradise it is because of him.
Azrael - accompanied by Lute - then gives the kids an exclusive look at Haven, the home of the Exterminators. Taking them to their training grounds, Azrael brags about the sway he has over the Exorcists and gives the children a look at the guitar he uses to control them via their masks. The archangel then tours the children inside his inner sanctum and shows off a huge monument of demon corpses Azrael has collected, as well as a wall of momentos displaying photographs of Azrael posing with the bodies of slain demons. The children are utterly disturbed by this, horrified that Heaven has been allowing the Exterminations to happen. Amelia asks Azrael why they would do this, since she knows from her time in Hell that not all demons deserve to be erased. Azrael refuses to listen to anything Amelia says, labeling her a "heretic", and affirms that all demons are the work of Satan and should be treated as such. At that moment, Azrael hears some civil unrest (a rarity in Heaven), and leaves with Lute to investigate it.
In the center of Halo City, angels sing in support of the Hazbin Hotel and acceptance of reformed souls. Azrael arrives and reiterates his claims that damned souls are incapable of salvation and must be dealt with before they fester and become a harm to all things virtuous. This exacerbates the pro-redemption angels, who claim that it is never too late for salvation. The archangel's supporters fire back at the pro-redemption angels, which leads to a massive commotion and unrest in Heaven itself. Azrael realizes that Charlie's Angels might be more trouble than they're worth.
Azrael returns to his sanctum and complains about the state of Heaven, as the children are still very unnerved by all they have seen and are very shaken. The mood drops even more when Azrael begins explaining his "tragic" backstory and how it all came to this, explaining that, while he had an otherwise idyllic upbringing, his siblings began ignoring him after the War in Heaven, too preoccupied by helping mortals and survivors to push little Azrael on a swing. Azrael is overcome with emotions, needing to be comforted by Lute as the children look at each other in awkward silence. Azrael explains in so few words that he craves being loved and goes about this by planning to strip humans of their free will, leaving them incapable of sinning and leading to angelkind hailing him as a hero, which only disturbs the children even more.
The children are all very saddened by the current state of affairs and the revelation that Heaven has allowed the cleanse for so long. After a long pause, a saddened Manco tells Azrael that they want to return to the hotel, since Heaven is clearly not the place they used to love. Hiding his fury and disappointment, Azrael says that he will allow them to return to Hell, saying that some people aren't ready for the Light of Heaven. Azrael uses a portal to transport the children back to Hell, but intentionally sends them to the Greed Ring out of spite, far away from the hotel, leaving the eight children lost and in grave danger.
In "The Clock is Ticking", on the eve of Extermination Day, Azrael is actively managing the Exorcists as well as preparing for the annual culling himself, having his female soldiers shine his horns, iron his Extermination outfit, and make sure his favorite guitar goes untouched. However, Azrael's preparation is interrupted by an agitated Lute, who informs him that Ebony has seemingly gone AWOL. Azrael is distraught and dramatically informs Lute to join in the "Exorcistmobile". However, in a comical twist, he realizes that there isn't an Exorcistmobile and collapses dramatically as the other Exorcists come to his aid. Lute takes charge and orders other members to assist find Azrael an Exorcistmobile. Eventually, Azrael uses his guitar's magic to propel himself and Lute into the air while playing a song.
Lute and Azrael arrive to an unspecified, military location. Azrael begins putting together a murder board on where Ebony could have gone - all of which are completely ridiculous and unrealistic -, until Lute connects that Ebony had left to save Charlie's Angels. Azrael and Lute both agree that they have lost Ebony to Hell and she needs to be exterminated. Azrael orders the Exorcists to slay Charlie's Angels on Extermination Day, and accuses the children of corrupting Ebony. One Exorcist questions Azrael's recent orders and suggests a more lenient approach, emphasizing that Charlie's Angels are young and can improve over time. Azrael responds with sarcasm and dismisses the Exorcist's input, implying they shouldn't even be speaking. He mocks the idea of making peace with those who sympathize with demons and sarcastically suggests a comical scenario of flying in the air, doing jazz hands, and proclaiming "friendship" with these individuals. He abruptly shifts to a forceful tone, telling the Exorcist to focus on their assigned tasks.
In "Extermination Day: Part 1", Azrael is engrossed in rehearsing the Exorcists for backup singing and dancing. His enthusiasm quickly turns to harsh criticism as he berates them for their lackluster singing. Frustrated, the archangel decides to resort to mind control to ensure their precision. During this intense moment, the Speaker of God pays Azrael a visit. When Azrael inquires about the status of the Seraphim sisters, the Speaker tells Azrael that the Seraphim sisters are engaged in diplomatic talks with Charlie Magne. Azrael reacts negatively to this news, and he demands that the Speaker intervene by having the Ophanim bring the Seraphim sisters back to Heaven. While the Speaker initially contemplates rejecting Azrael's edict, his genuine concern for the safety of the Seraphim sisters ultimately leads him to comply with Azrael's request.
Later, Azrael is filming himself and Lute for his DivineGram account to hype up Extermination day, until Deerie urgently runs into his office with breaking news. Azrael's furious rant at the cherub turns to horror when Deerie reveals that Archangel Michael has returned to Heaven. Azrael just stares in silent horror while Lute addresses the cherub. When Lute and Deerie turn back for Azrael's input, the archangel has fled from his office, his chair spinning from the intensity of his exit.
Lute has to go out and find Azrael, who is quaking with fear in the clouds. She comforts him and the two return to the archangel's sanctum, where they find Michael waiting for them in Azrael's office. The normally boisterous Azrael is terrified of Michael, who greets his brother cordially and congratulates him and Lute on Azuriel's birth, offering the two celestial wine as as an apology gift for not being present for their son's christening. Lute furiously gets between Azrael and Michael, ordering Michael to tell her what he is doing back in Heaven when he should be with his siblings. Michael tells Lute she should pay him more respect as an archangel of Heaven, but Lute says that the only archangel she serves is Azrael. Michael laughs this off and compliments Lute's fiery personality, and even flirts with and taunts her, not showing fear of Lute at all.
Azrael, his hand shaking, directed his female subordinates to guide Michael to the dinner table, having to be guided to the table himself by Lute. Despite Michael's imposing presence, he extended a silent olive branch by allowing Azrael to pour the celestial wine, showing a surprising willingness to regard his brother as an equal. Azrael attempted to oblige, but his trembling hands led to an accidental spill that soured the atmosphere. Michael chuckled lighthearted in response before pouring the wine himself, for himself, Azrael, and Lute. However, Lute hissed at Michael's offering and smacked her cup away, before tasting Azrael's wine on the insane off-chance that it was poisoned.
As they navigated through their strained interaction, Michael delved into the state of affairs in Heaven, subtly acknowledging his role in establishing the Extermination. Despite their differing perspectives on handling demons, they found common ground in recognizing their place in Creation's balance. Michael also confirmed to the two Forti's passing, and revealed that he and his siblings retrieved Forti's body in Purgatory to give him a proper burial.
Things begin to unravel when Michael sees the various portraits of Azrael slaying demons and his brother's gaudy sanctum in general, which is little more than a narcissistic display of Azrael's hubris. Saddened by what Azrael has become, Michael openly acknowledges that he should have stayed in Heaven and allowed Azrael to set off with their siblings instead of burdening him with military responsibilities. Michael takes responsibility for not nurturing their fraternal bond, admitting that he should have acted more like a brother than a commander. Michael's apology gives Azrael a misguided confidence boost; he insists that Michael raised him right, claiming that he is the most revered and successful archangel in Heaven's history because of Michael's "mistake". Throwing Michael's apology in his face and reveling in his brother's shame, Azrael disdainfully says that he has outgrown Michael, and leaves the room with Lute by his side. Michael stands alone in the office, feeling sad and in guilt before presumably returning to his siblings.
Finally, the clocktower in Hell strikes to signal the beginning of the Extermination. In Heaven, Azrael stands before million of armed Exterminators, asking them if they are ready to rock, to which only Lute reaffirms him. Azrael says he will go into Hell first to "warm them up" before the culling begins, and creates a portal to Hell which he flies through. The archangel makes a grand and provocative entrance (while, unbeknownst to him, Charlie, Sera, and Serenity watch in horror), addressing Hell's terrified denizens in a casual and vulgar manner. Azrael begins playing hard rock music (which can be heard all across Pride) and mocks Hell's denizens, declaring that the concert is free and taunts the unwilling listeners about the impending erasure of their afterlives. At the beginning of his electrical rock number, Azrael uses his guitar to create portals for the Exorcists to enter from, allowing millions of Exorcists to flock into Hell. Azrael excitedly urges his followers to kill everyone and leave no survivors, and continues excitedly singing rock songs as his underlings slaughter as many helpless demons as they can.
In "Extermination Day Part 2: Live Fully, Laugh Forever", the streets of Pride are in chaos as sinners frantically hide from Azrael and his army of Exorcists. In an ensemble number, the sinners describe Azrael as the monstrous, unstoppable "Archangel of Death", and that there is no hope when he and the Exorcists' "Hell Tour" comes to town. Azrael interrupts and makes his dramatic entrance, flaunting his rock star persona and reveling in the fear he inspires. He takes note of the "Archangel of Death" title sinners have given him and adopts it, calling it "metal as fuck". He and the Exorcists proceed to mockingly sing their own ensemble number back at the sinners, dismissing any chance of mercy, emphasizing that the time for repentance has passed and now it's time for punishment. Touching down explosively in front of a crowd of terrified sinners, Azrael, all while signing with a devious grin, rises as a group of Exorcists magically appear from under his wings. With a rock star battle cry, Azrael unleashes destruction and commands the Exorcists to assist in the slaughter of sinners. As his ballad crescendos, Azrael rises above the city, causing massive destruction as his army personally slaughters the sinners, their final, desperate prayers and pleas going unanswered as Azrael and his Exorcists bring about their brutal end.
Amid this horrifying display, Azrael has a side-chick capture selfies of him flipping off demon corpses. In an extraordinary display of his ghastly extravagance, Azrael commands the Exorcists to construct a grotesque throne from the remains of countless demons as a monument of his success, as well as a purely dickish way to inconvenience Hell's cleanup crew. Afterward, Lute joins Azrael in singing a duet about how much sinners suck ("Sinners Are the Worst"), all while their soldiers continue the slaughter.
As the culling unfolds like a macabre party, Azrael's attention is drawn to the frantic arrival of the I.M.P, who are driving to the streets to get to their headquarters. He instructs Lute to forcibly divert their course off the road. Without hesitation, Azrael dispatches his loyal Exorcists to slaughter I.M.P., tempting them with the promise of sleeping with him as a reward for their success.
In "Extermination Day: Part 3", Azrael and his entourage continue to rock the night away during the Extermination Day massacre. In a brief respite from the chaos, Azrael took a moment to announce a song he made dedicated to Lute. Lute, captivated by Azrael's rock ballad, looked on from below as he sang about his deep affection for her - her unwavering devotion, her unparalleled understanding of him, and the way she slaughters demons. Azrael's song stretched on for some time, and eventually, Lute joined him in the sky, transforming the solo love ballad into a passionate duet. The song caps off with Azrael passionately kissing Lute as his side-girls fly around them, gracefully using their own bodies to form a heart shape with an angelic spear piercing through it.
After the song concluded, Azrael wasted no time in ordering the Exorcists to stop lollygagging and resume their cleansing mission. However, their progress was abruptly halted when they were confronted by none other than the Princess of Hell herself, Charlie, accompanied by her loyal companion Vaggie. Azrael, taken aback, demanded an explanation for the sudden pause in their onslaught. Lute stepped forward and informed him that it was due to the presence of Charlie and Vaggie. Azrael's initial surprise quickly turned into excitement as he referred to Charlie and Vaggie as "hot lesbians," eagerly anticipating them to make out for his own amusement. Charlie, with a sense of urgency, pleaded with Azrael to cease his annual slaughter of Hell's denizens. In response, Azrael mockingly referred to her as "Chodey Foster", calling back to their prior meeting, and delivered an angry retort, blaming Charlie's Angels for Heaven's newfound leniency toward her hotel. Charlie, undeterred, and emboldened by this news, the princess asked Azrael if the angels' support of the hotel said or meant anything to him. Azrael arrogantly declared that it meant he had more angels to expel from Heaven.
As the Exorcists rallied around Azrael, Charlie found support from a coalition of allies: Lux, Sera, Serenity, Leo Lightheart, Ebony, the hotel crew - donned in anti-Exorcist armor designed by Baxter and Sir Pentious -, Sock and Buskin, and Rosie - leading a cannibal army. Azrael couldn't comprehend the solidarity of the princesses' supporters, while Lute is furious at Ebony's perceived betrayal. Sera coldly proclaimed that the Extermination had to be ended, as it was rooted in Azrael's prejudiced hatred rather than any virtuous intent. Dismissing Sera's words, Azrael summoned the Speaker of God to assist him. Reluctantly, the Speaker of God complied and had the Ophanim capture Sera while chasing Serenity. Azrael unleashed the Exorcists upon Charlie and her friends, intensifying the confrontation.
The conflict between Charlie and Azrael escalated into a full-fledged war, with the Exorcists clashing against Charlie's allies. The Hellhound resistance and imps from the Gluttony Ring, rallied by I.M.P, joined Charlie's cause. Amidst the chaos, Charlie, taken aback by the magnitude of the battle, lamented that this was never what she had wanted. Vaggie reassured her that they could find a way to make things right. Taking command of the situation, Charlie joined forces with Serenity to contain the chaos as best as they could. Together, they worked to minimize the damage and casualties. Meanwhile, Serenity and Leo embarked on a mission to rescue Sera, soaring off into the tumultuous battlefield.
In the midst of the battle, Azrael and his forces initially held the upper hand, dominating Hell's army. Azrael remained airborne, allowing his troops to absorb hits while he unleashed devastating attacks from above. Gleefully singing and goofing off, even allowing Hell's army to shoot at him since it was futile, the archangel discharged massive beams of holy energy from his guitar upon Hell's army, decimating a significant portion of Hell's army, not caring if said blasts killed or injured his own soldiers.
As the battle raged on, the tide started to shift with the arrival of Carmilla Carmine and her soldiers, armed with angelic weapons. They began systematically slaughtering the Exorcists and pushing them back, providing crucial support to Charlie and her allies. In the midst of the chaos, Ebony witnessed the horror of her teammates suffering casualties, their bodies falling from the sky and landing at her feet.
The realization struck Ebony and Vaggie that Azrael was using the Exorcists as shields, allowing them to die to ensure his own safety. This revelation left Ebony distraught, and she grappled with the ethical dilemma of the situation. Vaggie tried to offer comfort, explaining that while the fate of the Exorcists was tragic, it was the only way to confront Azrael, who had forced their hand. Vaggie emphasized the necessity of directly confronting "monsters" to pave the way for a better future, even if it meant engaging in war. However, Ebony couldn't accept this grim reality. She passionately declared that the Exorcists were like sisters to her, and she couldn't stand by and let them be slaughtered. Fueled by her determination to save her comrades, Ebony made the decision to plunge into the war, with Manco following suit, driven by the desire to support her.
Ebony courageously navigated through the chaotic battlefield, evading both demons and Exorcists. When an Exorcist cornered her, intent on taking her life, Manco tapped into his powers, sending concussive blasts at those threatening Ebony, granting her the opportunity to sprint toward the Exorcists' side of the war. Meanwhile, Azrael stays busy by unseriously using the energy blasts of his guitar to carve his name into the battlefield.
As Ebony arrived amongst her former teammates, they immediately brand her a traitor and moved to attack. She pleaded with them to hear her out, desperate to convey her message. Suddenly, Lute emerged and struck Ebony down with a slap, vowing a slow death for her perceived heresy. However, Manco intervened, defending Ebony, with Charlie standing beside him. Ebony rose to her feet, urging the Exorcists to listen, addressing them as her "sisters." Azrael descended down to the crowd, chastising the Exorcists for conversing during battle. Despite Azrael's attempts to dismiss Ebony's words, she persisted, passionately emphasizing their self-worth beyond being pawns and toys for Azrael's amusement. Slowly, the Exorcists, except for Lute, began to truly hear Ebony, finding strength and purpose in her empowering words.
As Azrael's desperation grew, he resorted to offering a free tampon to any Exorcist who would kill Ebony. Undeterred, Ebony continued to rally the Exorcists, and her words struck a chord, causing many to lower their weapons and question their allegiance. Fueled by rage, Lute drew her swords to kill Ebony, but Azrael, consumed by fear of losing control, took matters into his own hands. He moved to fatally stab Ebony with the blade hidden in the head of his guitar. However, in a moment of unexpected intervention, Vaggie moved in front of Ebony, blocking Azrael's attack with her spear, her gaze burning with determination.
As Vaggie blocked Azrael's attack, a sense of disbelief and anger swept through the Exorcists, even the ones loyal to Azrael, upon witnessing the blatant attempt on Ebony's life by their supposed leader. The shock turned into determination, prompting them to draw their weapons and face Azrael and Lute in solidarity. Lute's furiously orders for them to stand down, only causing one brave Exorcist to step protectively in front of Ebony, inspiring others to do the same. The collective show of support moved Ebony to tears. This heartwarming display of unity and courage was abruptly shattered when the Exorcists' masks began to spark, causing them intense pain. Their LED masks begin controlling of their minds. Azrael, utilizing his electric guitar to mind control the Exorcists, compels the Exorcists to continue fighting against their will, trapped in their own bodies. The battle continued, now even more tragic and conflicted, as the Exorcists struggled against the chains of their manipulated consciousness. However, despite this move by Azrael, Ebony is spared from the mind control due to her mask being a unique mask that was made by her own hands from her fellow soldiers' masks.
As Lute and the mind-controlled Exorcists closed in on Ebony and Vaggie, Manco, calling back to Azrael flexing his control over the Exorcists during his tour of Haven, shouted at everyone that Azrael's guitar was being used to control the Exorcists. Upon hearing this, everyone makes an effort to try and destroy Azrael's guitar and free the Exorcists, with Sir Pentious and Baxter attempted to annihilate it with their mech suit's death blasts, though Azrael retaliates, destroying the mech suit in one blast and nearly killing both sinners. Pissed off, Azrael confronts Manco and tries to kill him, but Charlie comes to Manco's defense and confronts Azrael with a fiery determination. Armed with his magic guitar, Azrael arrogantly questioned Charlie's belief in her ability to fight him. To everyone's surprise, Charlie simply replied, "no," leaving Azrael bewildered. Undeterred, Azrael engaged Charlie, unleashing a barrage of holy blasts and lightning in an attempt to smite her. However, Charlie fought defensively throughout the battle, steadfastly refusing to retaliate against Azrael's attacks. Instead, she made it her mission to reach through to him, demonstrating that not all demons were evil and that she refused be the aggressor, a position Azrael had taken up despite seemingly being a symbol of Heaven's good will.
Azrael, consumed by bitterness, lashed out at Charlie, belittling her dreams and convictions. He spitefully labeled her a "stupid girl with an even stupider dream," asserting that demons had always been the aggressors, long before she was born. Relentlessly attacking the defensively postured Charlie, Azrael maintained that demons existed solely to obliterate all that was "sacred and beautiful." He twisted the example of Charlie's allies turning the Exorcists against him, using it to emphasize his warped belief. The clash of beliefs intensified as Azrael sought to undermine Charlie's vision for a better, more harmonious world. Yet, Charlie remained resolute, her determination to break through to Azrael unwavering despite his bitter words and aggressive onslaught. As the battle rages on, Charlie becomes fed up and abandons her efforts to reach Azrael, and instead starts insulting Azrael for his misogynistic tendencies, and mocking him for his family abandoning him in his youth for his lack of empathy. Enraged by the princesses' words, Azrael lets out a powerful, enraged scream that produces shockwaves that split Pentagram City into four pieces, devastating the entire city and leaving Charlie unconscious from the attack.
In the intense and brutal battle between Lute and Vaggie, the scales tipped when Cherri Bomb entered the fray, providing crucial support to Vaggie and Ebony with her explosive expertise. Manco's concussive blasts targeted the Exorcists' masks, freeing them from Azrael's control and empowering them to fight against Lute. The tide continued to shift against Lute and Azrael as the Seraphim Sisters and Leo Lightheart returned from Heaven, liberated by the Speaker of God. As Azrael prepares to kill Charlie while she is down, Vaggie appears and covers Charlie with her body. Azrael merely smirks and seizes the chance to kill two "lovebirds" with one stone. However, when he goes to wipe them both out with his angelic guitar, Serenity quickly lands in front of Charlie and Vaggie and stops Azrael's energy attack with a holy shield, before redirecting the energy of Azrael's attack back at him. Azrael narrowly blocks the attack by holding his guitar in front of him and spinning it at great speeds, though he is eventually pushed back into the air.
Wounded and desperate, Lute flew over to Azrael, urging her master to retreat to Heaven with their remaining soldiers. But Azrael, hardheaded and fixated on destroying the Hazbin Hotel, refused to back down. He made a beeline for the hotel, aiming to annihilate it by stabbing it with his guitar to trigger a massive explosion. As the archangel dive-bombed towards the hotel with the glowing head of his guitar aimed at the building, Roo's previously placed protective shield activated just in time, dissolving the guitar's head and rendering it useless (though still sharpened to a point), shattering Azrael's destructive plans and breaking the remote control used to manipulate the Exorcists. Every Exorcist regained control over themselves, drastically changing the course of the battle.
Azrael, consumed by genuine anger for the first time, was driven to a breaking point over the loss of his most cherished guitar. In his uncontrollable rage, he lashed out and targeted Serenity, attempting to harm her in an attempt to get back at Sera. Serenity desperately tried to evade Azrael, but in the chaos and fear, she inadvertently channeled her holy fire, releasing an omnidirectional blast. The searing holy fire engulfed both of Azrael's wings, burning them off completely. As a result, Azrael was sent plummeting from the skies, crashing down into the war-torn, fire-ravaged streets of Hell. The once mighty archangel now found himself wounded and virtually defeated, his reign of terror seemingly coming to an end.
Azrael, realizing the loss of his wings, succumbed to a ballistic meltdown, consumed by a wrath that had been brewing for centuries. He directed his fury towards Sera, intending to unleash his destructive power. However, Sera, embodying a stoic resolve, blocked Azrael's attack with calm composure, unyielding in the face of his threats to kill Serenity, the Speaker and those she loved.
In his blind rage, Azrael inadvertently left himself vulnerable and was impaled from behind through the chest by an enraged Vaggie, using the shattered head of his guitar to do so. The archangel screamed in agony, while Lute, desperate to aid Azrael, found herself subdued by her former soldiers. Despite her resilience, they managed to immobilize her by pinning her to a wall with a spear embedded in her arm. As Azrael writhed in agony, Vaggie seized the opportunity to enact a plan. She shouted at Lux, signaling their cue. Lux flew over to Azrael and made a connection, touching heads with the archangel. A whispered, Latin chant escaped Lux's lips, a moment of intense anticipation as a blinding ray of light engulfed the area. Azrael's holy essence was extracted from his body and transferred into Lux as everybody watched in amazement. In the aftermath of the battle, Azrael laid defeated and disoriented, stripped of his powers by Lux, left to grapple with his humiliation and defeat. Lux revealed their action, leaving Azrael devoid of the immense power he once possessed.
In the aftermath of the battle, Lux then proceeded to strip Lute of her powers as well, removing her supernatural abilities and wings. After, Lute desperately runs to Azrael, who lays on the ground. As she kneels beside him, he speaks weakly, telling her that he is "going home". Lute, emotionally overwhelmed, pleads with him not to die - even calling him by "Azrael" as she is wrecked with tears. Comedically, Azrael abruptly drops the dramatic act as he shouts at Lute to not tell him what to do, and insisting on being addressed as Archangel Azrael. Lux intervenes in the conversation, revealing that they have stripped Azrael of his holy powers for his betrayal of Heaven's principles. Lux condemns Azrael for his misuse of power, denying redemption to those he deemed unworthy and acting as judge and executioner.
Azrael, now powerless and furious, accuses Lux of making a grave mistake and defends his genocidal actions, claiming that he made Heaven the "raddest place ever" and that it will "go to shit" without him, telling Lux that they should despise sinners more than anyone. Lux counters by questioning the eternal damnation of finite sins. However, Lux's passionate words fly over the heads of Azrael and Lute, the former of which asserts his superiority as the "greatest archangel in Creation". Azrael attempts to fly even with his singed wings, but fails spectacularly and falls to the ground after barely getting two feet off the ground. He weakly lifts his hand to flip Lux off as a final act of rebellion.
Grateful for the lesson they had learned and the chance for redemption, the Seraphim Sisters thanked Charlie for showing them the nuances of demons. Accompanied by the Speaker of God, the sisters expressed their dedication to restoring Heaven's greatness. Charlie eagerly offered her assistance in finding and restoring the angels wrongfully banished under Azrael's rule. Ebony, hailed as a hero by the freed Exorcists (some more begrudgingly than others), received warm embraces and gratitude, particularly from Vaggie, for her brave and resolute actions. The Speaker of God summoned a white capsule, allowing Sera, Serenity, the cherubs, and the liberated Exorcists to return to the holy dimension. Before leaving, Sera sternly declared the banishment of Azrael and Lute from Heaven for their crimes, leaving the two to wander Hell together. Team Heaven then departed from Hell, leaving a rainbow trail in the wake of their departure.
In the aftermath, Lute questions Azrael about their current situation. The archangel wonders the same thing himself, but begins trying to spin their predicament into being a blessing in disguise. Lute expresses frustration, asking how it could possibly be a blessing. Azrael responds in song, suggesting that their banishment is merely a "vacation" and reward from Heaven's higher-ups for their good work, portraying it as a blessing in disguise. Vaggie interjects, attempting to bluntly tell Azrael that it is a punishment. However, Lute ends up agreeing with Azrael and admits that she does not mind being in Hell so long as she is with him. Ignoring Charlie and Vaggie's attempts to remind them of their punishment, Azrael and Lute sing together about their devotion and how the situation is somehow a blessing. Azrael strolls down the street in roller skates while Lute rides beside him on a holy missile salvaged from the war that had just unfolded. The chaotic angel duo sing and ride off into the sunset, blissfully refusing to accept their punishment or learn anything.
Personality
- "I'm motherfucking Archangel Azrael! The greatest archangel in CREATION, a bohemian soul, and above all, a lover of ROCK 'N ROLL! Y- You're just some overrated, nepo baby, light bulb apostate!!!! Without me, everything will all go to SHIT!!! I fucking made Heaven the raddest fucking place ever, and you're going to listen to some dumb blonde c*** and her lame ass, crack whore circus over me?!"
- — Azrael to Lux.
Azrael was an attention-seeking, charismatic, and braggadocious archangel who enjoys exerting control over others and takes pleasure in their discomfort, demonstrating a callous disregard for their feelings and well-being. He is immature, witty, entitled, over-the-top, and insanely hammy, strutting around with the attitude, bravado, and intonation of an 80s rock star or a frat bro, hosting massive concerts in Heaven, having sex with his groupies left and right, and thinking he's funny and radical even though he acts like an ass and looks like a complete tool to everyone around him. He is a total goofy goober who takes nothing seriously unless it personally affects him or his position of power, but can be deeply sinister when he wants to be. He knows how to talk and loves to talk, with a fondness for wordplay, enunciating words through song, and grandiose pronouncements to keep a conversation engaging, and he loves screwing people over for the sake of it. Azrael is also very dominant, viewing himself as "El Capitano" of Heaven and the ultimate decision-maker, holding little regard for the feelings or opinions of others, even those above him in the hierarchy. Generally, Azrael is very emotionally shallow and acts condescending, insensitive, and unforgiving to almost everyone.
Despite his goofiness, Azrael is more charismatic, manipulative, and intelligent than he seems, as he has the intelligence to present himself as an untouchable, holy savior with great mercy towards life and loyalty to his sacred home of Heaven, as well as using his position as a member of the Morningstar family to his advantage, garnering loyalty in Heaven's denizens. Azrael manipulates situations to his advantage, such as twisting Charlie's words and intentions to suit his own agenda and baiting her into exposing how little she actually knows about redemption. He plays on the emotions and vulnerabilities of others, using charm, ridicule, and intimidation to assert his dominance and dismiss their concerns. Although he definitely has his flaws, Azrael oozes charisma due to his wit and confident, carefree manner of speaking. He possesses a certain charm that draws attention to him. Additionally, he is a shockingly brilliant manipulator, convincing Heaven's officials to greenlight the annual Extermination by warning them that the Root of Evil would become too powerful to contain in Purgatory if too many sinners were around to inadvertently feed her power through their wrongdoings. This was despite the fact that he and Adina were the only higher angels who fully supported the cleanse.
Despite his paramount position in the hierarchy of Heaven, Azrael's qualities as Divine General are sorely lacking. He displays a lackadaisical and unprofessional attitude, failing to demonstrate competence or seriousness in his role. Instead, he relies heavily on Lute to effectively manage the Exorcist corps, allowing himself to be distracted by trivial concerts and escapades. It is solely the dedication of his female underlings and Adina that prop up his position. And - although he is well adapt at manipulating and tricking people - in terms of military strategy, Azrael is a complete fucking moron who rides off of Lute's strategies while claiming them as his own. However, in the heat of battle, he always sticks to his plans and whatever scheme he cooks up typically ends up succeeding, albeit with heavy causalities of his own soldiers.
A domineering angel supremacist and religious extremist who established the Exterminations to essentially torture the entire demon race, Azrael uses his position to commit nigh-genocide with impunity and banish anyone who objects to him. Deviating from most angels, Azrael privately disdains humans. His resentment stems from the fact that angels (but especially his siblings) dedicate their efforts to protect and better human rather than dedicate their attention and love solely to him. He believes that humanity should not have free will both so that they will never be able to sin, and to punish them for stealing his undeserved attention, disregarding the fact that it would render humans as mere slaves to the will of angels. His impossibly high standards have led many good-natured souls to be denied access to Heaven and damned to Hell for minor transgressions they committed in life. He is decidedly uninterested in whether or not human souls were good people or not, as in his view, virtually every human has done something at some point in their lives to warrant damnation.
Despite Azrael's hammy and exaggerated demeanor, his most chilling characteristic lies in his complete lack of empathy and the immense, sadistic glee he derives in the genocide and demise of demons. He gleefully revels in a twisted, bloodthirsty, childlike joy during the cleansing, singing rock songs and posing for selfies with the corpses of the slain demons as his legions ruthlessly massacre millions of Hellspawn. He also relishes his derisive title in Hell as the "Archangel of Death", calling it "metal as fuck" and embracing his status as a merciless crusader. He nonchalantly treats and dubs the Extermination as nothing more than his concert, and goofs around a lot during the cleanse, emphasizing his sense of self-importance as well as how insignificant the genocide of demons is to him.
Similar to the majority of angels, Azrael is very passionate about music, displaying an affinity for rock 'n' roll. He wields an immensely powerful holy electric guitar as his principal instrument of power, utilizing its might in various capacities. Within the confines of his palace, the resounding presence of hard and glam rock music permeates the surroundings, establishing an atmosphere that mirrors his preferences and persona.
Azrael believes that, as Heaven's greatest defender, he is entitled to have the complete loyalty and subservience of everyone in Heaven, becoming incensed and easily offended when faced with any sort of insubordination and "disloyalty". He genuinely desires both recognition and love, even if he has never done anything to deserve either. While fine with simply banishing angels for their dissension, he prefers to wipe their memories clean and essentially brainwash them so that they will be forced to love and worship him. He showed selfish traits even as a child, wanting his older siblings to pay attention to and play with him, even though they were busy with helping angels and mankind heal from the War in Heaven, seemingly not caring one bit about those killed, lost, or injured during the war. Upon learning that Charlie's Angels were returning to Heaven, Azrael made numerous futile and desperate efforts to garner the affection and loyalty of the angel children. However, the children responded with dismay to the attempted purification, growing increasingly irritated with Azrael for the havoc he had wrought upon Heaven and his genocides upon demons. Their frustration reached a point where they expressed a desire to be returned to Hell. Despite his bitter compliance, Azrael maliciously chose to send them to the seedy Greed Ring, jeopardizing the children's afterlives purely out of spite.
He loves using his influence to lord over others, especially the female angels of Heaven. Due to his very traditionalist views, Azrael views all women as weak and incapable by default, and thinks that only he can shape them into competent soldiers. He flirts with female angels in a very condescending way, often leveraging his high-profile "rock star" status to convince them into becoming his groupies, and all that entails. He regularly hosts secret parties where he has the female warrior angels under his command dance provocatively for his entertainment. He is extremely condescending towards women, reminding female angels of their "place", and telling the female warriors under his command that they should be "seen and not heard." He also loves giving every woman he interacts with a new name that is usually very demeaning, often referencing female genitalia or musical instruments (as he likens women as instruments serving his desires).
Despite his unserious dudebro attitude, Azrael is more than capable of being deeply insidious and calculatingly cruel, and nowhere is that shown better than his treatment of his own army and "groupies", the Exterminators. Azrael has no emotional attachment whatsoever to the Exterminators, besides Lute, and views them as tools to be used for his crusade and pleasure. He evidently doesn't care about any emotional anguish Exterminators might experience while killing demons, insisting that they not think about their atrocities and obey him like the weapons he likens them to. He goes as far as to punish his soldiers for showing mercy to any demons, even something such as sparing defenseless Hellborn children, subjecting his soldiers to public humiliation for their missteps. He is also very psychologically abusive and disparaging to the Exterminators; he shames, catcalls, and humiliates them on a regular basis, uses them as footstools and living bridges, forces them to shine his horns, and carefully reduces their schedules to nothing outside of killing and training so that they eventually start to believe that they are little more than weapons whose purpose is to kill whenever Azrael demands it. He tries to make the Exterminators think that they have no self-worth and forces them to brutally murder sinners so that it gradually breaks down their mental health until they become shells who will never even think to rebel against him, and it mostly works. In the occasion that an Exterminator does manage to rebel against Azrael, he will either brainwash or mind control them using their LED masks, or happily discard them like trash by banishing them to Hell, as was the case of Vaggie (who nearly became a victim in the malevolent archangel's brainwashing ability).
Azrael's unsympathetic origin came from his selfish and apathetic nature ever since he was a child and clearly wasn't affected or traumatized from witnessing the carnage and destruction during the War in Heaven, other than not receiving any attention from his family after the war. He is clearly beyond redemption and beyond ever seeing that all of his actions are immoral and most likely wouldn't care if they were. He views the angels of Heaven only as devoted worshippers whose purpose is to falsely praise him for his leadership until they are banished or memory-wiped for seeing his true ways, and the female angels under his command as disposable sex objects who are forced to worship and pleasure him and is all too happy to psychologically torment and discard them for any defiance. Additionally, he is willing to lie and kill to keep his position of power, regardless of the casualties and ruined lives made along the way.
Appearance
While in Heaven, Azrael is an angel of notable girth depicted with gold-colored eyes and teeth which can glow in the dark. His teeth are sharp and jagged. His horns have golden, ornamental spikes on the tips, and he wears a white cassock with gold-colored arms and a large 'A' symbol emblazoned on the front. He has onyx-colored skin, and his wings and halo are a golden color. He sometimes wears shades that are in the shape of the Morningstar family crest.
While in Hell, Azrael looks more or less the same with the exception of sporting gold-colored spikes on his neck and shoulders, and his head being colored white. The colors on his cassock are also inverted to sport a primarily pale blue color with gold and white accents.
Powers and Abilities
Powers
- Immortality: Azrael has an infinitely long lifespan, having stopped aging at a certain part in his existence. He is also impossible to kill with normal angelic weapons, only being vulnerable to archangelic weapons or the power of entities with superior divine magic. His immortality was also the only supernatural ability that Lux did not remove from him.
Former Powers
- Angelic Power: As a former archangel, Azrael possessed extraordinary amounts of holy power during his time in Heaven, which placed him far above the Exterminators, cherubs, and standard angels in terms of strength and skill. He was also considerably more powerful than all demons, with divine power that allowed him to overpower and smite virtually any entity of his desired, including the strongest of demons such as the Ars Goetia and Seven Deadly Sins. Metatron himself claimed that Azrael could easily destroy Heaven and eradicate all known dimensions if he pleased. As an angel who was close to God, he would have been even more powerful than current-day Lucifer and remotely close to Forti and Michael in terms of power. He was also more powerful than Charlie and even rendered her unconscious her in their brief fight, in addition to scarring her arm with holy lightning. It took the combined power of Sera, the Speaker of God, Serenity, Vaggie and Lux to defeat him.
- Animankinesis: Like many highly powerful angels, Azrael could create life, forging living entities. He created numerous Exorcists using the feathers of his wings.
- Astral Projection: Like Adina, Azrael could project himself across dimensions to attend diplomatic missions, mostly in Hell.
- Aura: Azrael was surrounded by an invisible, holy aura that protected him from the physical and projectile attacks of lower entities and even the strongest of demonic power.
- Binding: Azrael could use angelic magic to "bind" people, preventing his targets from moving or speaking as they were enveloped in a yellow aura. He most often performed this by clenching his fist and could bind several entities at once. He primarily used this power to discipline the Exorcists.
- Blessing Inducement: Like all archangels, Azrael was capable of using his divine magic to bless objects, typically weapons, greatly enhancing them. This allowed the blessed objects/weapons to either bring good luck, protect the wielder, or erase supernatural entities.
- Creation: Azrael could magically forge virtually anything he desired by simply clapping his hands, with holy weapons being his specialty.
- Divinity: Azrael possessed divine magic that allowed him to permanently erase the souls of supernatural entities such as angels and demons, as well as undead entities such as sinners and winners. When sufficiently powered by his guitar, he can spawn up to eight wings.
- Flight: Azrael could fly and hover through the air using a pair of two large wings that he can retract into his back. With these wings, he could travel from Heaven to Hell in mere seconds.
- Nigh-Invulnerability: Azrael was blessed with invulnerability to almost all types of harm, including angelic weaponry and even the strongest of demonic power. During the War in Hell, he miraculously survived being impaled through the chest with his destroyed guitar - an archangelic weapon - by Vaggie and was completely fine only a few moments afterward, as if the mortal attack never happened.
- Memory Manipulation: Azrael could wipe other beings of certain memories they may have and manipulate them to his liking. He often employs then on rebelling angels, cleaning their minds of rebellion and instead replacing their memories with that of them attending his concerts and being his devoted fans.
- Photokinesis: Azrael had an extremely strong connection to light and could manipulate it to his whim. He could teleport through light, create archangelic weapons out of solidified light, and could conduce light into energy beams capable of making demonic entities explode into gore on impact. He could also project his holy light to heal himself or his allies.
- Regeneration: Azrael could naturally heal from horrific injuries. Additionally, he could use his powers to heal others and grant them additional strength. Often times, whenever Exterminators would become injured while on the job, they would invoke Azrael's name and call upon his holy light, to which Azrael would cast his light on them from Heaven and rejuvenate them, assuming he felt like it.
- Summoning: During "The Archangel of Death', it as shown that Azrael could summon the Exorcists, making them appear, almost ethereally, from under wings. He can also spawn his musical instruments and various objects, making them appear out of golden lightning or pixie dust.
- Supernatural Strength: Azrael possessed supernatural, possibly limitless levels of physical strength. His strength was best shown by him being able to easily smash his own indestructible holy guitars after some musical numbers, guitars durable enough to survive being hit by his own holy energy and remain in one piece. During the War in Hell, he plunged the head of his guitar into the earth of the Pride Ring with enough force to to create a shockwave.
- Teleportation: Azrael could teleport anywhere he desires in the Universe.
- Supernatural Voice: Azrael possessed an extremely powerful singing voice. During the Extermination, his singing and guitar-playing could be heard all across the entirety of the Pride Ring. During his fight with Charlie, he split the very earth of Pentagram City apart into four pieces simply by screaming angrily.
- Telekinesis: Azrael possessed the extraordinary ability of telekinesis, granting him the power to control objects at will, either shaping them to his desire or drawing them toward himself. Whenever Azrael wielded his telekinetic prowess, a vibrant yellow aura enveloped the objects he manipulated.
Former External Powers
- Electrokinesis: Azrael's favorite power is harnessing and projecting holy lightning through his electric guitar. With this formidable ability, he could call upon lightning to descend from the heavens, project bolts of electricity directly from his instrument, or envelop himself in a protective shroud of radiant, golden lightning. His lightning bolts had the devastating impact of obliterating entire buildings, carving out colossal craters in the earth's surface, and reducing any unfortunate demons caught in their path to a charred, skeletal state.
- Electrical Shockwave: Azrael could use his guitar to blast his enemies with righteous sound, often touching down on the ground with a powerful strum of his guitar and rock star scream, producing a mile-long, electric shockwave that made out the image of him flipping off the denizens of Hell, leveling any buildings the shockwave hit.
- Energy Shield Generation: Azrael could use his guitar to conjure a holy energy bubble around himself, projecting himself from mystical attacks of the demonic and angelic variety. Additionally, any projectiles hurled his way, such a bullets or objects were reduced to vanishing gold dust upon hitting the shield.
- Fragokinesis: Azrael could cause objects to explode by stabbing them with the holy knife in the head of his guitar, a method he attempted to use to annihilate the Hazbin Hotel during the War in Hell until Roo's energy shield destroyed the head of his guitar.
- Mind Control: Azrael was capable of controlling the Exterminators and overriding their thoughts and movements using their LED masks, forcing any resisting Exorcists to obey him against their will.
- Symphokinesis: Using his holy electric guitar, Azrael could project waves of holy light or solidified blasts of light which could be used offensively to melt other entities or vaporize them instantly. The guitar could also produce vibrations so powerful that they can devastate landscapes and makes other beings explode from the intensity. He could project these things by strumming the guitar strings, with the power of these attacks depending on the numbers of strings being strum at a time, and could produce magical arrows by pulling the guitar strings back like a bow. He could also create portals to other dimensions, and fire a prolonged energy blast from the head of the guitar.
Abilities
- Authority and Influence (formerly): Serving as Heaven's top archangel, Azrael was a very recognized, respected, and authoritable figure. He had enough sway within the dimension that he can accuse any angel or saint and have them banished from Heaven or even have their memories wiped clean from Heaven for seeing his corrupt ways. He was able to enforce his views on Heaven's laws, denying most human souls access to Heaven unless they practically had never committed a single sin in their lifetime. Additionally, his former army, the Exorcists, obey his orders without question for some time until Ebony led an uprising against him.
- Fearmongering: Azrael is capable of using fearmongering tactics to persuade people and keep their loyalty, such as telling Heaven's denizens that Lucifer would lead an uprising against Heaven if the population of Hell would continue to rise. He was also able to convince Heaven's officials to greenlight the annual Extermination by telling them that the Root of Evil would become too powerful to contain in Purgatory if too many sinners were around to inadvertently feed her power through their wrongdoings.
- Musical Talents: Like many angels, Azrael is masterfully gifted in music and singing. He primarily excels at scream-singing and playing rock 'n' roll. He can play the lute, Sax-a-Boom, and can play the electric guitar with debatable skill. He is also a rather skilled choreographer, as shown in his musical number with the Exterminators and cherubs.
Weaknesses
- Arrogance: Azrael exudes an overwhelming sense of cockiness and arrogance, traits that permeate his character to a remarkable degree. His overconfidence shapes his interactions and decisions to a significant extent. In the face of opponents, he consistently underestimates their capabilities, often allowing them to initiate attacks against him. This tactical choice stems from his belief that their assaults are futile, affording him the opportunity to mock them openly.
- Divine Intervention: Azrael can be injured, weakened, or even erased by the power of superior divine entities. Additionally, while Azrael is impervious to standard weapons and even angelic weapons, archangelic weapons can severely injure and potentially erase him.
- Lack of Skill/Training: Despite his power, position and training he received from Michael, Azrael's complacency has lead him to develop little skill in the use of his powers and is used to only killing or fighting lower demons who have no chance of hurting him even if he let them.
- Poor Leadership: In stark contrast to Lute, who proves to be a capable and accomplished lieutenant in spite of her cold and ruthless attitude, Azrael's leadership qualities are notably lacking. His performance as a commander and ruler can be characterized as remarkably inept and inadequate. Unlike Lute, who demonstrates effectiveness in her role, Azrael's approach hinges on heavy dependence. He leans extensively on Lute for strategic guidance, often adopting her tactics and ideas as his own. In the instances where he does assume a leadership role, the outcomes are frequently marred by significant casualties among his soldiers.
- Seraphim Flames: Azrael is somewhat vulnerable to holy fire used by the seraphim, as shown by Serenity inadvertently burning Azrael's wings off while defending herself from him in the War in Hell, though he managed to effortlessly endure the flames hitting his body.
Weapons
- Holy Guitars (formerly): In alignment with the angels' devotion to the power of music, Azrael wielded a collection of iconic and virtually indestructible archangelic electric guitar. Azrael maintained a collection of these guitars, each presumed to possess identical functionality. While they served as conventional electric guitars for music, their true nature emerged when Azrael needed to defend himself or smite his adversaries. Azrael could channel his angelic magic through these instruments, blasting jets of holy energy from the heads of the guitars. These energy jets possess power equivalent to, at the very least, a nuclear explosion. Furthermore, Azrael could conjure tangible waves of musical notes that he or others could ride upon, employing the guitar for effortless flight, even reaching relativistic speeds. By strumming the guitar, he could release magical vibrations and unleash blasts of holy energy capable of causing demonic entities to explode or wreaking havoc upon his surroundings. One of Azrael's devastating techniques involved thrusting the guitar's head into the ground, imbuing its energy into a wide radius, and then strumming the strings to unleash a devastating area-of-effect attack. The guitar also offered protection by enveloping Azrael in a shielded bubble surrounded by yellow energy and musical notes, safeguarding him from external threats. Azrael's guitars were also very versatile weapons; he could temporarily detach one or more of the guitar's strings and employ them as whips, slashing at his foes to devastating effect or slamming the whip into the ground to create a shockwave attack. Each of these magical attacks is accompanied by a resounding musical note. Additionally, concealed within the guitar's head are retractable angelic blades, which Azrael could deploy to impale, stab, or fatally wound adversaries in close combat. Azrael also possessed the ability to control the Exterminators by manipulating buttons on his guitar's head, linking his instrument remotely to the Exterminators' masks. Azrael's guitars were also seemingly indestructible, withstanding the power of Azrael's own holy energy attacks, though one of his guitars were instantly melted from the effects of Roo's magic.
Vehicles
- Motorcycles: To go with his rock star motif (and despite motorcycles having zero practical use to an archangel), Azrael kept a collection of magical motorcycles which he occasionally used to travel to different locations. The motorcycles are solid gold and are decorated with wings on the sides. The motorcycles are capable of flying and also come equipped with a sidecar for Lute.
Azrael's Laws
There is a plaque on the pearly gates of Heaven detailing many of Azrael's established "cardinal sins". During Azrael's reign, the Heavenly Court was incredibly strict with these laws and committing them even once was enough for souls to be damned to Hell or for angels to be removed from Heaven. They read, exactly, as follows:
- Using Archangel Azrael or the God's name in vain? HELL!
- Murder? HELL!
- Not attending church? HELL!
- Swearing? HELL!
- Disobeying Archangel Azrael or the Lord's commands? HELL!
- Listening to non-Christian rock music? HELL!
- Not being Conservative Christian? HELL!
- Watch or read pornography? HELL!
- Being gay? HELL!
- Smoking? Drugs? Drinking? HELL! HELL! HELL!
- Leave the toilet seat up? HELL!
- Abortion? HELL!
- Not buying Archangel Azrael's albums? HELL!
- Refuse or forget to say a prayer before dinner and bed? HELL!
- Stealing? HELL!
- Playing T or M-rated video games? HELL!
- Being a saint and disrespecting your superior Heavenborn? HELL!
- Being a woman and thinking outside of what men tell you? HELL!
- Illegally downloading movies? HELL!
- Divorce? HELL!
- Thinking sinful thoughts? HELL!
- Sympathizing with Hellspawn? HELL!
Relationships
Family
Archangel Michael
Archangel Michael is Azrael's older soul brother. During Azrael's childhood, Michael assumed a more cold, authoritarian role in his upbringing, treating Azrael more like a soldier than a sibling. He disregarded Azrael's youthful pursuits, a stark contrast to their other siblings, and looked down upon him for engaging in childish activities. When Azrael sought a simple act of brotherly bonding, Michael would turn his back to him. Michael hated Azrael due to the latter's psychopathic and selfish tendencies, inconveniencing Michael and his siblings when they were attempting to protect humanity.
Azrael internalized some of Michael's unfavorable traits, notably his penchant for engaging with female angels in Heaven. This behavior led Azrael down a misguided path, fostering a belief that women were inherently subservient to their male counterparts within the angelic hierarchy.
Azrael's unexpected selection to safeguard the Universe, a role alongside his siblings and God, left Michael utterly astonished. However, rather than support his youngest brother and allow him to grow up alongside his more supportive siblings, Michael callously relinquished his position as Heaven's head archangel to Azrael under the pretense of protecting him. In reality, this act was driven by Michael's desire for the glory of serving God, ultimately isolating Azrael from his family and burdening him with militaristic responsibilities. This act of Michael's left Azrael deeply embittered towards his oldest sibling.
Centuries later, Michael made an unexpected return to Heaven, returning to the sacred dimension for the first time in millions of years. Azrael was particularly unnerved by Michael's return, practically shaking and even hiding when informed of Michael's return by Deerie. Upon seeing Azrael, Michael attempted to bridge the gap by celestial wine to his brother and Lute, as well as congratulating them on having a child. Azrael remained a trembling, stuttering mess throughout the initial part of the conversation, with Lute providing him support. Michael made efforts to extend an olive branch, acknowledging Azrael's position and allowing him to attempt to pour the wine, but the underlying rivalry remains evident. Azrael, while still nervous and deferential to Michael, tried to assert his prowess.
Upon seeing what his selfish decisions led Azrael to become, Michael acknowledged his past shortcomings in how he treated Azrael and expressed regret for not being a supportive brother. He admitted he should have shown Azrael compassion and love, not just a commanding presence, emphasizing Azrael deserved care, kindness, and validation beyond his role as a soldier. Azrael, however, rejects Michael's sincere apology, asserting that Michael wanted him to become the most formidable archangel, which he has become. With his confidence boosted by Michael's display of vulnerability, Azrael, rather brazenly, proclaimed that he is greater than all other archangels, including Michael, and coldly said he does not seek Michael's pity or apologies. Azrael then left the room with Lute by his side, leaving Michael to realize the weight of his past mistakes and regret.
As Michael apologized, a sly smirk gradually appeared on Azrael's face, clearly reveling in Michael's vulnerability and relishing the newfound sense of power over his older brother, humiliating him mercilessly by throwing his apology in his face. It was evident that Azrael had no intention of accepting Michael's apology.
Azuriel
- "My 'SON'?! (Azrael laughs) You mean Azuriel, I assume? Psh, he ain't my son. Nope, until he learns how to rain sweet holy lightning from an electric guitar, he's just a little runt I'm stuck with. He's a whinin', cryin' little bitch, he ain't nothing but a hound dog, honestly. Sometimes I wish I had a daughter instead... Because it'd be more satisfying to beat her if she talked back! HAHAHAHA!!! (Azrael looks at the Exorcists) LAUGH!!!! (he continues laughing loudly as the Exorcists awkwardly chuckle in response)"
- — Azrael about Azuriel.
Azuriel is Azrael's son. Azrael is playful, careless, and irresponsible towards Azuriel, often teasing and involving his son in his schemes to bang hot chicks, using Azuriel as a trophy to show chicks how much of a "badass" and fuckable dad he is. Unlike Lute, Azrael doesn't take Azuriel's potential or growth seriously. He treats his interactions with his son as opportunities for fun, like going to arcades or amusement parks. Azrael greatly lacks the seriousness expected of a father and focuses more on his own amusement rather than connecting deeply with Azuriel on any sort of emotional level.
Azrael tends to drag Azuriel into his activities without much regard for his son's feelings or comfort, often running up on Azuriel and getting him involved in an impromptu rock session, fully immersed in his own enjoyment while Azuriel seems uncomfortable and nervous, going along with his father’s antics but not as enthusiastic.
When it comes to parenting, Azrael refuses to comfort Azuriel, viewing it as a "woman's job," and is noticeably absent as a actual father. Furthermore, he views Azuriel as useless and a "mewling inconvenience", since he is only a baby. He has beef with his own infant child as he despises whenever Lute tends to Azuriel, since he hates it when she gives attention to anyone but himself. Like Lute, it seems that he intends to raise his son to be a warrior, but would prefer to ignore his existence.
Despite their strained relationship, Azrael and Azuriel have some nuggets of positivity peppered and sprinkled into their relationship sauce. They are capable of bonding over junk food and visits to God's Kingdom and arcades, with Lute tagging along to keep the boys in check. Their interactions are more comedic than outright hostile, showing that while their relationship is not traditionally "good" in the sense of emotional depth or responsibility, they do, at least, share a unique, albeit chaotic, dynamic.
Allies
Lute
- "You're a fucking goddamn beast, babe seriously. Gimme some. (He holds out his hand for a high-five, and Lute reciprocates; Azrael looks at his hand, unsatisfied) Fuck was that? I said 'gimme some'. (He holds out his hand to which Lute high-fives him again) I SAID GIMME SOME! (Lute high-fives him aggressively; Azrael yells like a rock star) ♪GI-ME-SUUUUM-AH♪! LEAVE YOUR MARK, BABY! (Now little a little irritated, Lute does a battle cry and high-fives Azrael with all her might, conjuring waves of golden lightning around their hands; Azrael cackles as the lightning swirls and subsides around them.) ELECTRIC! That's the fucking spirit, babe! That's what I like to see! Now all these other bimbos in Heaven, these fucking slackers? They got it allllll fucking wrong. But you? You do it my fucking way. You're the only beauty for a bodacious beast such as myself. And that's why I love ya."
- — Azrael's entire relationship with Lute, right there.
Lute is Azrael's lieutenant, trigger girl, and most devoted underling. Despite Azrael's misogynistic tendencies and still seeing Lute as a lesser, he and Lute share a robust friendship and operate as an inseparable, comedic duo and villainous packaged deal. There is a sense of camaraderie and shared enthusiasm for genocide and destruction in their friendship. Both seem to revel in chaos and violence, expressing excitement and joy at causing destruction and tormenting their enemies, strutting around with a "holier-than-thou" attitude and looking down upon others with disdain.
As Azrael's loyal subordinate, Lute is almost always at Azrael's side. They share the same perspectives and goals, reveling in their privileged positions and bonding over their shared disdain for sinners. Despite her initially reserved demeanor, Lute displays a more relaxed and expressive demeanor in Azrael's presence, even joining in his impromptu air guitar performances and hyping him up. They are both cruel and sadistic, deriving pleasure from the eradication of demons and relishing in their torment of Vaggie during her tenure as an Exorcist. While Lute readily engages in Azrael's goofy antics and theatrics, she also serves as a counterbalance to his impulsiveness. While she takes Azrael very seriously despite his attitude, she does not hesitate to reprimand when he is being dismissive and overindulgent in his escapades, emphasizing the gravity of their responsibilities as Exorcists.
Though their bond is strong, Azrael and Lute possess contrasting personalities. Lute is very strict and chiding, seldom displaying emotion, while Azrael is more laid-back, exuding goofiness and a lack of seriousness. Their unlikely friendship causes many to question how they ended up together, with both of them not really seeming like the kind of person the other would like. Azrael typically drives interactions, initiating conversations while Lute remains steadfast by his side.
Whenever Lute delivers scathing remarks or verbally tears down Exorcist recruits, or anyone for that matter, Azrael enjoys standing by her side with a smirk and a confident stance, vigorously posing beside her, amplifying her presence and bolstering her image. Though he still sees her as a lesser, Azrael demonstrates some willingness to elevate Lute, making their target appear weaker and inferior by comparison.
Lute is the only Exterminator that Azrael values, since she willingly gives him the love that he feels he was denied have received when he was young. Lute is also the only Exterminator who Azrael allows outside of Haven, demonstrating that he gives her special treatment for her subservience. He relies on her to be the brains of the Exterminators and take stress off of him while he goofs around and indulges in trivial matters.
Despite her loyalty, Azrael has a habit of casually downplaying Lute's significance within the Exorcist Corp, asserting that the Exorcists owe their formidable prowess exclusively to him, despite Lute being responsible for all of their training while Azrael usually pursues his hedonistic pleasures. He seems exploitative towards Lute and would happily throw her under a bus for his own sake. Generally, it is difficult to tell if Azrael truly cares about Lute; While Lute certainly cares about him, being undyingly loyal to him, screaming for him and almost fighting an entire, liberated Exorcist brigade to protect him when he was fatally impaled by Vaggie during the War in Hell, there's a notable absence of reciprocated tender moments from Azrael, who values her primarily as a hype girl. Despite this, he still displays patience and forgiveness towards her, maintaining composure even when she essentially failed him following the War in Hell; Azrael reframed their downfall and banishment from Heaven as a well-deserved break from their annual Hell cleansing duties, offering a calm reaction to Lute's initial frustration and raising her spirits.
The two are quite the chaotic duo and love being terrible to other angels, using their cozy positions to get away with it. Azrael greatly enjoys mingling around Heaven with Lute by his side serving as his personal attack dog, having her intimidate, assault, and bully other angels for displeasing him, or sometimes intentionally getting other angels in trouble with her just because he likes watching her go off on people.
During the War in Hell and their attempted massacre of the Hazbin Hotel, Lute was the only Exorcist that remained loyal to Azrael after Ebony incited an uprising among their ranks. She continued fighting for him and desperately fought to protect and save him when he was mortally wounded by Vaggie, with it taking the entire Exorcist brigade to stop her from getting to him.
Azrael and Lute's relationship, even after their defeat and banishment from Heaven, remained resilient. Despite the dire circumstances of being banished from Heaven and losing their cozy positions, they carried on with a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose. Azrael, with his laid-back demeanor, tried to find a silver lining in their situation, portraying it as a "blessing in disguise". Lute, initially angry and incredulous at this, eventually embraced Azrael's perspective, admitting that their punishment was not much of a punishment since she was allowed to still be with him.
Together, the odd couple rejected the notion of punishment, instead choosing to see their situation as an opportunity as a "vacation" for their hard work, ripe for freedom and new beginnings. Even amidst interruptions and objections from Charlie and Vaggie - desperate for the two to learn anything from this punishment -, Azrael and Lute stood united, finding joy in each other's company. They are last seen riding off into the sunset, Azrael on roller blades and Lute riding beside him on a missile salvaged from the war.
Gilded Kage
The Gilded Kage is Azrael's bandmate. As bandmates, Azrael and Kage have a "bombastic hero and reluctant sidekick" sort of vibe. Azrael is the wild, over-the-top showman with boundless energy and dramatic flair, while Kage is the more laid-back, deadpan foil who often gets dragged into Azrael's antics. They are both immature slackers who enjoy having sex with their groupies and boosting each others' egos.
They have a chaotic, almost brotherly bond where they mutually roast each other (with Azrael constantly throwing Kage under the bus), but ultimately work together to create bombastic, kick-ass rock music.
Adina
- "Azrael: (to Lucifer) I'm putting a concert-
Adina: (politely bowing her head) Cleanse-
Azrael: (to Lucifer, trying to cut Adina off) CLEANSE! A 'cleanse' together! Yeah! Us angels up in Heaven, now we've been seein' all those sinners being shat outta Earth's asshole and really fuckin' up the whole circus vibe you got goin' on. TOTES not cool, am I right, or am I right? But fear not, Luci 'Chill Me, Thrill Me, Fulfill Me' Goosey, cuz we're gonna swoop in and deal with your sinner problem-a by cutting those bitches down by the fucking billions at the end of every year!
Adina: (butting in, to Lucifer) And- And to suppress Evil, of course!
Azrael: (to Adina, hurriedly) Uh-huh, sure. (to Lucifer) End of the year, we fuck their asses up. Me and a kick-ass band of hot-ass vaginos!
Adina: (face-palming) ...'Viragos'." - — Azrael and Adina pitching the Extermination to Lucifer, showing their dynamic.
Adina is one of Azrael's closest confidants and partners, with them united over their twisted hatred for sin. Azrael is much more more brash, vulgar and open than Adina, who comes across as a bit exasperated by Azrael's antics.
When Azrael and Adina were pitching their night-genocide around to Heaven and Hell, Azrael was eager to convey the plan as little more than a fun concert, often forcing Adina to interrupt him with a more refined suggestions to make their idea more appealing to others.
Azrael appears to respect Adina to a minimal extent and behaves like a leash child around her, mockingly calling her "boss lady" and friendly terms of endearment such as "A-Dawg", and she seems to be one of the few angels capable of reigning him in and keeping him in check. He also immediately stopped his overly long and indulgent guitar solo when Adina requested it. However, Azrael was still willing to throw aside Adina's input if he though it would hinder him, as he refused to go to her for strategic advice like Lute suggested after Charlie's Angels had spread the word of the Hazbin Hotel across Heaven.
In contrast, Adina just seems mildly irritated by Azrael a lot of the time and considers keeping him on a leash to be a chore. Most of this comically goes over Azrael's head, with him arrogantly telling Lute "she loves me" when they were flying to meet Adina in Heaven's Courtroom to discuss the arrival of Charlie's Angels.
Enemies
Charlie Magne
- "Because of those schismatic brats, everybody in Heaven's heard of your little hotel. Your club for devil-worshipping freaks. I guess that makes you the Queen of Freaks then."
- — Azrael to Charlie.
Azrael and Charlie first met when Charlie managed to arrange a meeting with the archangel to pitch her alternative solution to solve Hell's overpopulation problem. Charlie approached Azrael with a sense of gratitude and hope, believing that he might be willing to listen to her concerns. However, Azrael quickly established himself as a charismatic and silver-tongued, yet condescending figure lacking in empathy. She addressed him as "sir" and tried to engage in a meaningful dialogue, while he referred to her using mocking nicknames and displayed a dismissive attitude towards her ideas and concerns while feigning interest and putting on a face of understanding.
Azrael consistently undermined her efforts and belittled her ideas, dismissing her as naive and foolish. Despite Charlie's attempts to reason with him and plead her case for compassion, Azrael remained steadfast in his commitment to the cleanse, claiming it was to maintain order and balance when, in reality, it is all a merely a concert and "entertainment" to him.
Azrael stands as one of Charlie's main obstacles and one of the main challengers of her ideals and worldview, along with Lucifer. Prior to the War in Hell, Azrael challenged Charlie on if she truly stood by her hotel, asking her if she would redeem a pedophile or someone like Valentino if they went to the hotel for redemption. When Charlie struggled for an answer, Azrael taunted her and asked if she would redeem him - the one who has destroyed trillions of her people's souls - if he was a sinner and came to the hotel. When Charlie stood tall and spat that she would redeem Azrael and even the worst sinner imaginable if they truly wanted it, Azrael did not believe her and mocked her for having hope.
When Azrael and Charlie crossed paths once again, Charlie was backed up by her newfound allies, which comprised a significant faction of the Overlords and sinners in Hell, who all rallied against Azrael. In an attempt to prevent further casualties among her people, Charlie endeavored to persuade Azrael to halt the Extermination. However, Azrael, true to his predictable nature, remained unyielding, setting the stage for a conflict between the forces led by Charlie and Azrael. As the battle unfolded, Charlie and Azrael eventually came to blows. Charlie, in a final effort to sway Azrael, begged him to see the damage he has caused. Thoroughly fed up with giving Azrael the benefit of the doubt and enraged by the war that ensued due to Azrael's refusal to pursue peace, Charlie began intentionally provoking him, taunting him by highlighting his family "abandoning" him in his youth and his misogynistic tendencies, echoing the degradation he had imposed upon her and others like her on numerous occasions.
Vaggie
While in Limbo, Vaggie faced judgment from Azrael, one of the angels tasked with assessing her soul. Initially inclined to send her to Hell, Azrael's opinion shifted upon learning that Vaggie had acted in self-defense when she killed her father. Impressed by her "killer instinct," Azrael decided to grant her entry into Heaven but with a unique role - as an Exorcist. Under his watchful eye, she would atone for her sins by hunting and exterminating demons.
Following this, Azrael proceeded to exert his authority and control over Vaggie, belittling her with derogatory names and using his position to control her. He also allowed Lute to mistreat and abuse Vaggie. Despite Vaggie's defiance, Azrael manipulated her through coercion and even resorted to mind control via her Exorcist mask to assure her loyalty.
However, Vaggie's defiance reached a boiling point when she protected two demon children during an Extermination, leading to Lute court marshaling her and letting Azrael decide her fate. When Vaggie refused to continue serving Azrael and adamantly rejected his authority, even at the risk of damnation, Azrael broke her determination and resolve with the threat of brainwashing. Azrael then tasked Charlie with the mission of assassinating the princess of Hell, Charlie Magne, despite knowing it would be a borderline suicide mission.
However, Azrael's impatience and frustration began to wan as Vaggie failed to fulfill his expectations. Upon restablishing contact with her, Vaggie boldly renounced her allegiance and severed ties with the Exorcists. This defiance enraged Azrael, leading him to seek vengeance against her by tasking Fitch with traveling down to Hell and eliminating her.
Much later, admits the War in Hell, Azrael and Vaggie found themselves facing each other once more, this time on opposing sides. Vaggie stood with Hell's forces, battling against Azrael and the Exorcists. During the battle, Vaggie intervened to protect Ebony, intercepting and blocking a lethal attack by Azrael meant for Ebony, saving her before forcefully pushing the archangel back with her spear. As the conflict raged on, Vaggie shielded an unconscious Charlie from Azrael's wrath. Azrael, unmoved, aimed to obliterate them both with an angelic blast from his guitar, though Serenity thwarted Azrael's attack.
Despite everything Azrael did to her, Vaggie played a crucial role in his downfall; delivering a final blow by impaling him with the shattered remnants of his own guitar. In collaboration with Lux, Vaggie ensured Azrael's defeat, allowing the Holy Spirit to remove his powers.
Lux
It is unknown if Azrael had any kind of history with Lux before the War in Hell.
In the climax of the War in Hell, Lux stripped Azrael of his holy abilities due to his misuse and abuse of them. Expressing disgust of Azrael's abuse of power and his rejecting even the pious from Heaven so he could slaughter them in the cleanse for entertainment, Lux confronted the powerless Archangel, challenging Azrael's authority and questioning his moral judgment. Azrael was nonplussed by Lux's alignment with Charlie and the hotel gang. Blinded by rage and defiant, he lashed out, accusing Lux of being brainwashed and questioning their decision to show mercy to sinners, telling Lux that they should hate sinners more than anyone. Lux remained steadfast in their belief in redemption and the value of helping others. Despite Azrael's hostility, Lux maintained their composure and defended their actions, citing their purpose of being sent to Hell to help Charlie, and noting all of the positive change they've seen in sinners.
Despite Lux's words, Azrael's anger only escalated. Calling Lux an "overrated, nepo baby, light bulb apostate", Azrael attempted to reclaim his former glory by asserting his superiority over Lux and the others. However, his physical weakness from having his powers stripped and wings burned caused him to fail spectacularly, though he settled on flipping Lux off as a final act of defiance.
Gallery
_and_Lute_Design_Reveal.jpg "Adam (Azrael) and Lute Design Reveal.jpg (448 KB)")
Quotes
Chapter 1
- "Charlie: Wow... Let me just say thank you so much for meeting with me, sir! I mean, you did kinda make the Exterminations a thing, but the fact that you're willing to listen just proves that there's good in everyone! I can't believe I've made it this far! I'm actually talking to an ARCHANGEL! (with tears in her eyes) Thank you...
Azrael: (Azrael laughs, oozing charisma; he speaks in an almost friendly way, big Jack Black energy) Okay, take it easy there, A-Cup. That's gotta be the fastest I've made a chick wet. But the only place a chick’s allowed to get wet in front of me is down belooow. (he leans forward) You must be Lucifer's little hellspawn. Charlotte, was it?
Charlie: Well, I prefer 'Charlie', but-
Azrael: CHARLIE?! Ugh! I'm not big on that name, babe. Too butch, y’know? Bleh! (he laughs) How about instead we call you Ch-.... Chode... Chodey Foster! (he cackles, beating the table) Amazing name! Fucking hilarious, right?! (to the Exterminators) LAUGH!!! (the Exterminators all laugh alongside Azrael as Charlie just stands with a "keep laughing, assholes" expression; to Charlie) So, uh- (he points to Razzle and Dazzle) Did you know those two monstrosities were following you? They fans or something? 'Cuz I don't do autographs off the cloud, babe.
Charlie: Oh! These are-
Azrael: Don't worry. I got you. We'll take care of 'em, no problem, babey. (he claps his hands, causing the surrounding Exterminations to aim their spears at Razzle and Dazzle)
Charlie: NO, STOP!!! (she gets in front of Razzle and Dazzle, shielding them) They're my friends. They're just here to keep me safe. N- Not that we think you'd hurt me or anything. It's just... Y'know... Exterminators and all...
Azrael: Oh! (he points with a raised eyebrow) So they’re kinda like those emotional support dogs snowflakes have to use? Or, is it like, those slow kids who need an adult to follow them at school 'cuz they're lame and awkward and can't make friends on their own 'cuz they suck? (he laughs, before putting his hands up) Nah, nah. It’s fine, totally! (he signals the Exterminators to back away) I get it, I get it. I have the presence of an alpha male, that's what they always say.
Charlie: ...'They'?
Azrael: It's hard not to fall in love with me. I can feel ya, I can see ya, you're totally crushing. Now, princess, let's get down to business. What do you want?
Charlie: Okay... (she takes a deep breath and laughs awkwardly) Sorry, about this, sir, I'm just-
Azrael: Actually, do you mind shooing those two... Mongrel vermin out of my sight? (laughs) Sorry, they're just so fucking ugly.
Charlie: (Razzle and Dazzle hiss at Azrael) ...O.... Kay... (she kneels down to Razzle and Dazzle, whispering to them partially inaudible) ...Don't worry... I'll be okay, I promise. (she boops Dazzle on the noise playfully before they slowly leave the room)" - — Charlie meeting with Azrael in a flashback.
- "Charlie: So... I know you started the Exterminations, and I'm sure it was for good reason...
Azrael: Yeah, yeah. Totally.
Charlie: But... There HAS to be a better way to solve this besides mass genocide, right? And I know if there's any goodness in you, you'll agree. And... I know you send your angels to carry out the Exterminations, but maybe... Maybe you could just... Put that on hold so I can... Rehabilitate them?
Azrael: (he looks indignantly) Hold the fuck up, did you just say rehabilitate... A sinner? (he does a half-scoff-half-laugh) I mean, I get it, babe. The whole “dumb bimbo who thinks she can turn the world into sunshine and happiness" act works well for you, but there’s a LINE in comedy, man!
Charlie: I'm... not joking. These are MY people. I've been trying to make things better in Hell for decades. I know it seems impossible, but listen; there's this business I've been work-shopping for a while called the Happy Hotel! I’ve been working with my girlfriend, Va-
Azrael: Awww! (he looks at Lute) Hey, Lute! Our princess scored herself a succubus! (Lute shakes her head with disapproval while Azrael faces Charlie with a smirk) That’s so CUTE! Pretty fuckin' hot, too. That’s so cool and cute that even in Hell you have your own little gal pal support group.
Charlie: O...kaaaay. Anyway, I'll give our clientele free housing, free food, and all the help and love they could ask! And stickers!!! Lotsa stickers!!!
Azrael: (he snickers) STICKERS?! Do you hear yourself, princess? You really are as fucking delusional as your subjects claim! (Azrael and the Exterminators all laugh as Charlie looks down sadly; Azrael takes note and tones himself back, keeping the manipulation going) I mean- you have a DREAM. Just... a really frivolous, funny dream that will never succeed. Take it from me, Charizard... (he grabs Charlie by her chin, making her face him) Sinners. Don't. Deserve. Love!
Charlie: (her eyes slowly begin to turn red, preceding her Full Demon Form, but she calmly takes a deep breath, and with a determined expression, gently swats Azrael's hand off of her) I respectfully disagree, sir. No matter how lost they may seem, not all sinners are evil! They're just... Humans who were dealt a bad hand...
Azrael: (whispering to himself as Charlie keeps talking) Why are women like this...
Charlie: They need a place to get away from all the vice and chaos and just... Find themselves again. (after looking down, she perks up) Y'know what? I'm doing this all wrong. I'm much better at expressing my ambitions through song!
Azrael: (he puts a finger up) Hold up... is it a rock song?
Charlie: Uh... there's guitar instrumentals!
Azrael: (he nods with a hooked lip and kicks back) Alright, Charizard. Belt it." - — Charlie engages with Azrael before her musical number.
- "Azrael: (clapping after Charlie's song) You got it. I dunno know what the fuck it is, but you got it. In another life, you woulda made a kick-ass groupie. That number reeked of passion and... Desperation, infantility, foolishness. I just want to take a video and have it on loop in my brain. (he looks at the Exorcists) You bitches get that on film? (the Exorcists look clueless, one of them scratching their heads with their spear as Azrael looks disappointed and mutters) Ah, women are worthless. (he turns to Charlie) ...So, you want me to pump the breaks on the Exterminations so you can invest in some baseless endeavor that you don't even know will get off the ground? ...BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Fuck no.
Charlie: (her eyes widen) But, sir listen, I-
Azrael: (with a hand up) Nah, nah. My turn on the mic, Chodey, your 'Charizard' rights have been revoked. I mean this in the nicest way, of course... But I couldn’t care less who the fuck you are or how you see them. Your "people" are the enemies of Heaven! It’s always been that way and it always will. The Exterminatch' is how we keep that balance, do ya know what that is? And not only does it keep balance, but up in Heaven (he points to himself) I'm El Capitano! And what I say goes. And look, I get it. Everything may LOOK all happy and cute and perfect from your perspective, but that's only because you're not seeing the whole picture.
Charlie: (Charlie's smile falters, replaced with the slightest hint of anger; She speaks now with only one aim in mind: to prove Azrael wrong) How about we make a whole picture. What if I succeed? What if I can prove to you that people can change? That sinners can find redemption? That not all Hell's residents deserve to be slaughtered every year for the same mistakes they've already done more than paying for?
Azrael: Oh, you are just precious. (he laughs) Listen, babe. If you’re willing to give sinners the benefit of the doubt, you’re out of your miiiind! If you wanna try turning sinners into angels, knock yourself out! But you can’t polish a sinful turd into a heavenly jewel. Until then, I gotta train the girls for the next concert.
Charlie: You aren’t listening! I've seen so many sinners get slaughtered, and I just can't stand it anymore! (voice breaking as tears well in her eyes) I'm the only demon who cares enough to help them, and I'll never give up hope in them!
Azrael: (to Lute; whispering) OMG, she's crying. (he and Lute try to stifle their laughter)
Charlie: And it doesn't help my own father doesn't believe in me. It's just... Too much! I need your help, and this could be my only chance!
Lute: How dare you speak that way to a man! Archangel Azrael, champion of Heaven, our realm's greatest defender ever, son of the Lord Himself did not give you the time of day, out of the kindness of his heart, for you to weep and slobber like an undignified waif! You will act appropriately in his presence! Then again, what else did I expect from a Hellspawn? Didn't your traitorous parents even bother to teach you that crying gets you nowhere in life?
Charlie: (she stares at the Exterminator, her eyes glowing red) Don't you dare. Insult me or my family again. I would much prefer to hear your opinions straight from your mouth, rather than through that man you hide behind to make yourself feel better. If you're that brave, come out from behind him.
Lute: (she narrows her eyes and she stomps up to Charlie) Say that again, you fucking cun-
Azrael: (he teleports in between Charlie and Lute) Wo-ho-aoooo! (laughs; to himself) Oh, women, amiright? (to Lute and Charlie) Girls, we’re in a heavenly embassy. This isn't the place for your cat fight. Take it up with each other during the next concert. (to Charlie, with a fake smile) I am so very sorry we couldn't come to an agreement. (he wraps an arm around Charlie) Want my advice? Drop this nonsense about 'rehabilitating' demons. Not only is it an insult to my life's work and an affront to the Almighty Himself, but you'd be putting us all out of a job, and nobody wants that! I mean, how else will your kind get to know the glory of my annual concert? (he shoves her away as she awkwardly skirts across the floor) Now be a good little princess and go play with dolls and what have you. Catch ya on the flip-flop! (he does finger-guns on Charlie, producing a wave of holy magic that pushes her out the door) Now, if you don't mind, I have to train my girls to, uh... Y'know, slaughter your people. Oh, and Chodey?! Tell your mom I said 'hello'. (he chuckles, waving at her with one hand and flipping her off with the other, the doors magically closing in her face)" - — The end to Charlie and Azrael's meeting.
- "Lute You handled that so well, master.
Azrael: (in a playful tone) Oh, stop it... (he boops her on the nose) My little Lutey Patootie. (she giggles and blushes)
Exterminator: Pardon the interrupt- (Lute throws an angelic knife at the Exterminator's head without even looking at her, erasing her)
Azrael: How rude... Don't people knock these days? (Lute giggles) Alright, enough fucking around. Let's get out of here before the princess comes crying at our feet again." - — Lute and Azrael after the latter's meeting with Charlie.
Chapter 5
- "Azrael: (to Sera) Stellar performance, Sera. Your voice could rival that of Gabriel's trumpet. (he winks at her before turning to the angels of Heaven) We've all gathered at this lil' shindig in celebration and worship of the Big G, the Sky Papi, you already know 'im, our Heavenly Father! May His reign last to the end of creation itself. And furthermore, with my concert on the horizon, I gotta ask that all disapproving angels CUT IT OUT! Like, you're really killin' the vibe, you know? I dunno if you really belong here... but we ain't about that insubordinach' and blasphemy here up in Heaven. Let's keep things nice and believer-like, okay? Don't we angels love that sweet, sweet order and compli-awnce?
Angel #1: Archangel Azrael, I must interject!
Lute: (to the angel) Did he say you could speak?!
Azrael: (he chuckles; to Lute) Pump the breaks there, Lutey! (to the angel) You, Bethany Bigtits! I'm sure we'd all be fascinated to hear what you have to say. Give it to me, BB. Belt it out. Let those sweet thoughts gush out like me in a groupie after-party!
Angel #1: My son is in Hell! He may have had his demons... but he was good, and he meant well!
Azrael: (he tries to hide his disinterest) Look, I get it, babe. Your little brat was a 'good kid' or whatever, but everyone gets cleansed at some point or another! We can't just leave a few behind, because then it all becomes a game. A gaaaame! We ain't here to play Eeny Meeny Miney Mo with sinners. We're here to bring the holy sword of judgement down on evil and look like total badasses doing it. I mean, can you even imagine a world where not every single demon is wiped out? It'd be chaos! Pandæmonium! And do we want the Heavenly Father's glorious masterpiece-ese ending up like that dump? I didn't think so. Dismissed.
Angel #2: She's right! The cleanse is unethical. "Thou shall not commit murder". No matter how lost they might be, even sinners should have the right to choose between salvation and destruction!
Angel #3: Does God approve of this senseless slaughter?!
Fanatic Angel: YOU FOOLS! How dare you invoke the Lord's name to smear His own champion?! Archangel Azrael knows what is best for all of us! (the angels begin talking over each other)
Azrael: (watching the chaos) Ah, the annual argument. Can't have an Extermination without it. (to Lute) Lute, can it.
Lute: SILENCE, IN THE NAME OF YOUR CHAMPION! (the crowd falls silent)
Azrael: (he chuckles; to the crowd) See? (he motions to Lute) SEE?! (he pats Lute on the head as she maintains a stoic expression the entire time) Lute, here, seems to be the only who knows the deal is! Cuz the way I see it, there's too many crybabies and not enough believers! Can't you all understand? Every day, I'm talkin' thousands, no, millions of tainted souls are condemned to Hell. Think of the devastation, the (he makes a guitar strumming gesture) ♪♪ANNIHILA-TCHOWN♪♪ they could spread if Lucifer rallied them all against us! The hellspawn would annihilate our infrastructure. (the crowd gasps in fear) Poisoning our winners with sin! Destroying our order and your families! (the crowd gasps again, parents begin holding their children close) No man, woman, or child would be spared. Dare I say, even I can't save the Hellspawn. I mean, I could be the raddest redeemer in the world... but I can't change the fact that some souls are born with a one-way ticket to Damnationville. Now, I ain't too thrilled about this 'cleanse' business, but I was chosen to defend our home with my righteous tunes. (he shrugs) Someone's gotta do it. Y'all think the Big G would want this disorder and rebellion on His day of love? Is this really my reward for keepin' things chill and guaranteeing our great race is the coolest of the cool?
Fanatic Angel: (he falls to his knees, bowing) We are deeply sorry, my lord. You are our champion and greatest defender, for that I am certain. We beg of you to forgive these fools and their misguided protests.
Azrael: (he puts a hand up) Already done, broski. And as for you guys! Anyone who has an issue with that can take it up with Lute here. And believe me, this bodacious battle-ax loves her a CONFRONTATION-NA! And although our Heavenly Father's presence this festival is sorely missed, His light still shines radiantly within our realm... Through yours truly. With my directi-own, may angelkind prosper without any problemos. No insubordination, no vice, just that sweet, sweet good shit. Amiright...? (scattered applause)
Lute: (screaming) IS HE RIGHT, YOU SCUM-FUCKING INGRATES?! (the crowd fearfully applauds all round in response to Lute)
Azrael: (he cracks his neck and knuckles) Now that that's dealt with, it's time for yours truly to get back to things that matter— (he holds his hands up in the sign of the horns) preppin' for the cleanse." - — Azrael's speech to Heaven's denizens during the Celebration of God.
- "Azrael: Fuck yeah, Golden Arches! My fav! Time to rock some grub and feed the dragon! (he bites into a burger only to spit it out in disgust) Da fuck?! (he pulls pickles out from under the bun and turns to Lute with a sad expression) Lutey...
Lute: (growls) UNACCEPTABLE! (she kicks open the Golden Arches doors and storms her way to the counter, slamming her hands on the counter once she reaches it) EXCUSE ME!!! He asked for no pickles!!
Golden Arches Employee: Oh, heavens! (to Azrael, who holds up the pickles with a frown on his face) Forgive us, that was our mistake, Archangel Azrael. Let us fix you a new-
Lute: You can't prepare a simple meal for our greatest defender who ensures our progression as a society and race?! Archangel Azrael has eaten here long enough for all of you to have his preferences memorized! I expect your manager to have all of you fired for your blasphemy and incompetence!!! Get out of my way! (she storms into the kitchen and begins assaulting the employees and wrecking house, screaming incoherently as the employees run away in fear)
Azrael: YEAH! Fuck their asses up, Lutey! You're doing great! (to onlookers) Isn't it just divine when you find a woman with a brain who actually does as she is told? It's fantastic!" - — Azrael siccing Lute on Golden Arches employees.
- "Azrael: Hiya, girls!
Serenity: (she frowns at seeing Azrael and her halo flickers) H-Hey, Azrael...
Sera: (to Serenity, hushed) Serenity... (she bows her head to Azrael) Hello, Archangel Azrael. How goes the arrangements for the Extermination this year?
Azrael: (he yawns) Ooh, I dunno. Lute's on it. I'm thinkin' of having a gig or two up in Charity. Gotta keep the hype going, y'know what I mean? Oh, yeah and, uh- (a cherub flies down and hands Azrael a glowing scroll which he gives to Serenity) Sugar Tits, I need ya to fly this over to Pete.
Serenity: (she reads over it) Are these...new rules for saints?
Azrael: Ay, you know me. I'm not a rules guy! But... fucking pineapple on pizza? Eugh! That's so- That should be a CARDINAL sin, y'know? Write that on a motherfucking stone.
Serenity: I just think some of the new regulations are really, really strict... You know, for a place that's supposed to be a paradise, it's pretty boring around here sometimes. Wouldn't you like to see just a bit of excitement? Diversity is the spice of life, you know, and everything here is so.... samey.
Azrael: (he groans and begins tuning his guitar) Ah, shit. Sera, would you do the honors?
Sera: (to Serenity) Heaven is a place of peace and joy for those of noble character. This is not a playground for your amusement, Serenity... Perhaps there is some wisdom to what you are saying, but the only excitement that we of Heaven need is that which we gain from serving God and spreading the light of his glory. But tell me, what do you propose to solve our diversity problem?
Serenity: Maaaybe we could make it easier again for souls to enter Heaven? It feels like our standards have gone up to wazo and we only get so few saints a day... Maybe Hell wouldn't have such a horrible overpopulation problem if we just... Made the road to Heaven easier? (to Azrael) And, Archangel Azrael, I don't wanna upset you or anything, but... I don't really understand the cleanse.
Azrael: (picking his teeth with the holy knife in the head of his guitar) What's there to understand? Sinners did a bad thing, now it's purgin' time; pretty simple shit.
Serenity: (her wings briefly flare up) N- No... No, it's not like that. Sinners can repent, they can make changes, they can find virtue and deserve a chance!
Azrael: Whoa! Whoa! Hold your fucking horses, sugar tits! Where the fuck is this coming from?! Sinners don't deserve anything but the heads of our spears. Have you forgotten your place? You're supposed to stand there, look pretty, and smile and wave. (Azrael points at the Morningstar crest on his wall) You see this symbol? I decide what's cool and what's not. And sinning is most certainly NOT cool.
Serenity: I... I can't just accept that... They're still human! They deserve a chance... They... (her words trail off, her thoughts getting all jumbled) S- Sinning is not always a choice... I- It's more complex than black and white...
Sera: (she makes Serenity face her) Serenity! (she stares menacingly at her startled sister before softening up and putting both hands on Serenity's shoulders) We've been over this... I am open to the notion of lowering our standards, but there are no 'noble demons'. (laughs slightly) What even is that? A demon's very existence is unholy and evil. You'd be wise to take note; It would do you no good to be caught with these thoughts.
Serenity: (pulls away from Sera) The only evil I see is what we've been allowing the Heavenly Host to do to their kind. You are willing to let demons be slaughtered by our own soldiers by the billions in Hell every year, even the ones who have done no wrong! There could be sinners and demons who just got a bad deal and rotten luck, and yet you think we should leave them be killed? Don't you see who the real monsters are?
Sera: (enraged) How dare you! You are the one who wants to forgive the unforgivable,to allow monsters to enter our kingdom! This is why you are not ready to take responsibility! I refuse to let you allow evil to infect the heavens! And if you think we should allow that... Then perhaps you don't belong here.
Serenity: (on the verge of tears) YOU'RE SUCH A JERK, SERA!!! (flies away, bawling into her hands; Sera shows a hint of guilt on her face for a couple seconds before silently resuming her duties)
Azrael: (laughing) Hah! What the fuck was that? What an emotional wreck! (he snorts as Sera give him a deadpan expression) How can that little labkin be your fucking sister? Oh, man, that was hilarious! She's worse than that Chodey Foster c***. Like, cry me a river, bitch.
Sera: That 'emotional wreck' is my sister; and she's an excellent girl, who deserves the utmost respect. She's still quite young, and she'll learn to see our purpose with time. Do you not hold the same thoughts of your son?
Azrael: My 'SON'?! (Azrael laughs) You mean Azuriel, I assume? Psh, he ain't my son. Nope, until he learns how to rain sweet holy lightning from an electric guitar, he's just a little runt I'm stuck with. He's a whinin', cryin' little bitch, he ain't nothing but a hound dog, honestly. Sometimes I wish I had a daughter instead... Because it'd be more satisfying to beat her if she talked back! HAHAHAHA!!! (Azrael looks at the Exorcists) LAUGH!!!! (he continues laughing loudly as the Exorcists awkwardly chuckle in response)" - — Azrael's meeting with the Seraphim sisters.
- "WOO, YEAH! WORSHIP ME, BITCHES!"
- — Azrael while flying over a crowd of adoring angels.
- "Azrael: (sighs) Another day, another year of putting up with (whiny, mocking voice) 'Where's God? Where did God go? Where's my senpai, God?' (groans) I need a stress reliever...
Ash: (in a sultry voice) Master... (chuckles) I'll be your-
Azrael: (he smacks her harshly) Ah! Ash, not you! Make yourself useful and go wash the dishes! (Ash holds her cheek in pain and stumbles away) I wasn't talking about you... I'm talking about my north star... (singsongy) ♫Oh, Luuutey?! Lutey Patoootey!♫ Where are you?
Lute: (she slowly appears and descends from a ray of light, chuckling) At your command, my master...
Azrael: There she is! (he catches Lute in a bridal carry) What would I be without you?
Lute: Perfectly sound?
Azrael: (chuckles) Very amusing... And correct. (he kisses her on the forehead)
Lute: (purrs) True bliss...
Azrael: (he sets her down) Anything of interest to report?
Lute: The unit of unruly Hellspawn our scouts have been tracking through the ring of Pride have finally made their move. I've dispatched a throwaway squadron to exterminate them.
Azrael: Interesting... And tell me, is our latest little groupie, Ebony, kickin' it with the band on this little adventure?
Lute: Indeed, she was, master. She was... Quite eager.
Azrael: (he groans) Okay, Lutey, hear me the fuck out... Is it, like, totally fucking twisted that I'm kinda, sorta hoping she bites it? I mean, no offense, my northern star, my bodacious Lutie beauty, but why the fucking shit did you even let her in the band?! She's totally lackin' that killer vibe we're all about! Completely unfuckable! I'm over here tryin' to mold a killer band of bitches from unformed clay here and here comes you, handin' me fuckin'... wet cement.
Lute: (she maintains her grin) With eternal respect, master, you underestimate me. Her father insisted, so I gave him what he wanted. I intend to train all Exorcists to be the best slaughters they can be, but when even we can't instill that killer instinct into them or rid them of their recurring mistakes, the only sensible thing to do is... send them to Hell with limited arsenal, on a 'scouting' mission doomed to go awry. (Azrael smirks upon hearing this) Either they learn our ways, fall, or roll over and die like worthless worms. And when Ebony inevitably perishes, her father have no one to blame but himself.
Azrael: (cackles) Fuck, I like the way you think, Lutey. You always think outside the box! It's fuckin' magical. You're a fucking goddamn beast, seriously. Gimme some. (he holds out his hand for a high-five, and Lute reciprocates; he looks unsatisfied) Fuck was that? I said 'gimme some'. (Lute high-fives him again) I SAID GIMME SOME! (Lute high-fives him aggressively; Azrael yells like a rock star) ♪GI-ME-SUUUUM-AH♪! LEAVE YOUR MARK, BABY! (now little a little irritated, Lute high-fives Azrael with all her might, conjuring waves of golden lightning around their hands; Azrael cackles) ELECTRIC! That's the fucking spirit, Lute! That's what I like to see! Now all these other bimbos in Heaven, these fucking slackers? They got it allllll fucking wrong. But you? You do it my fucking way. You're the only beauty for a bodacious beast such as myself. And that's why I love ya.
Lute: Is that so? (her irritation melts upon hearing this and she smiles slyly with a bow) Then, you should know that we have a job to do. The corps won't straighten themselves out.
Azrael: Psh. Don't even fucking worry about those fucking chumps. You and me, we got more than enough time to deal with that crap-ola. And, hey, if Ebony makes it, we could keep her around. You never know when those mommy and daddy issues will come in handy. Just put her on cleaning duties or some fucking shit, I dunno. But if you kill her, make it painful and hot as fuck. That shit's always cool. (Lute nods with a grin as Azrael claps) Aight, let's rock 'n' motherfuckin' ♪rooooll♪! We gotta make sure the bitches aren't slackin' during their training sesh'. I want all of 'em to have their heads and tits in the game for our favorite time of year!
Lute: (slyly) Christmas?
Azrael: (he laughs loudly) Good one! Good one. But, nah. We ain't hippies singin' around some overrated baby. We're fucking' angels, fuckin' demons up, (he conjures a guitar as Lute proudly holds her spear) with a guitar in one hand and spear in the other. I'm talkin', of course, about Extermination Day, my lil' White Hot Light." - — Azrael links back up with Lute in his inner sanctum.
- "Azrael: Seriously? What the fuck? Wasn't Sable supposed to install a cloud bridge?
Lute: (growls) I'll disembowel her the moment we get back, master!
Azrael: (groans) Well, I don't feel like flying. (snaps his fingers) LADIES! (a squad of Exterminators appear and climb on top of each other's shoulders before falling forward across the clearing, catching the other side and forming a bridge; Azrael begins stepping onto their heads and bodies, slowly making his way to Haven) Isn't this grand? Who says women are useless? Well, uh, I did, but between this, your tit-illating assets, and the yearly slaughter of a billion Hellspawn, you girls are proving me wrong by the day! (mockingly pumps his fist) Girl power, am I right?!" - — Azrael entering Haven and ridiculing the Exterminators.
- "Alright, my little sweet and sour treats. My concert is on the horizon! You must be the best of the best, the cream of the crop, and the coolest of the school. But you ARE still women. Put here by God to serve and worship me. You only became worth something because of yours truly! So let me hold your hands and guide you to triumph! (Lute turns on a projector displaying crayon drawings Azrael made of Hell's Overlords and Charlie, while Azrael points at it with his guitar) These fucking bitches want to destroy our kingdom! We're fighting the battle between Heaven and Hell every single day, and you best bask in the honor it is to stand next to me! (two beautiful angels descend from a ray of light, gracefully giving Azrael his cherished guitar before flying back up) ...and the honor of being subservient to me, the great and mighty Azrael! (Azrael shreds his electric guitar, cackling maniacally as an aura of golden lightning swirls around him)"
- — Azrael's speech to the Exorcists.
- "Azrael: (he storms into his inner sanctum where Lute and several Exterminators are waiting and begins trashing the room) Fuckin' Sera... Jointsucker! Fuckin' cocksmoker!!! Who does she think she is?!
Lute: I don't know, master.
Azrael: (Azrael goes into a full tantrum; punching a mirror; throwing objects in a fit of rage; hitting one Exterminator with a table before grabbing another Exterminator by the neck with one hand and throttling her; punching multiple holes in the wall; falling back full-force onto a glass table while whining exaggeratedly, thrashing around on the ground while playing an air guitar) I granted her a way out, in my FOOLISH mercy, and yet she spits in the face of my generosity, puts it on a bottle, and sells it for 50k on HeavenBay!
Lute: (blushes while watching Azrael break down) How dare she, master.
Azrael: (with a rock star yell, he runs over to his armory, grabbing multiple weapons at once) When I find her and her little sister, I'm gonna crucify them before forcing them to watch as I incinerate Halo City and disembowel every last- Uh, girls, quick, which one of these makes me look more dope as shit? (he holds up two of his holy guitars)
Exterminator: Uh... The left one?
Lute: The real challenge would be finding an instrument that doesn't, master.
Azrael: Ding ding! Aaand Lute is correct, what a fucking surprise. Lutie, show your fellow contestant what she's won today! (Lute quickly slits the other Exterminator's throat with her dual swords before kicking her lifeless body several feet away as she reaches for help; Azrael chuckles) Ah, sometimes I feel as though you're the only one that gets me.
Lute: My duty, my pleasure... Master, I was saving this for a special occasion, but considering the circumstances...
Azrael: (raises an eyebrow) A present... (falsetto) for moi?
Lute: (giggles and begins walking backwards; in a sultry voice) Follow me..." - — Azrael's rage upon finding out Sera and Serenity left Heaven.
- "Azrael: (Lute and Azrael enter a private chamber room to reveal a captured, emaciated family of Hellhounds, a mother, father, and their two pups, muzzled, chained to a wall, and whimpering and growling in fear; Azrael's eyes twinkle) HO-LY FUCK!!! (he smiles wickedly with stars his eyes) Lutey! You shouldn't have!!!
Lute: I know we follow a strict 'no prisoners' policy, but in this occasion, I declared that we could make an exception.
Azrael: Finally! Someone who knows how to bend the rules properly!
Lute: Only at your satisfaction. (giggles) So... Where do we begin?
Azrael: (he slowly turns to the Hellhound family) Diggin' Heaven, bros? (the Hellhound father lunges at Azrael, only to be held back by his chain, Azrael laughs in his face) Ooooh, you almost got me, Rover!
Lute: (she throws a knife into the Hellhound's jaws, causing them to fall to the ground, writhing in agony) Is that anyway to respect a superior being, you disgusting mutt?!
Azrael: These particular Hellspawn sure are unmanageable and... Fucking hideous, aren't they, Lutey?
Lute: Barely even forms of life.
Azrael: (to Lute) I mean, didja fuckin' get them from fucking Uglyville or some shit? You know, down in Hell, other demons fancy this manner of Hellspawn as mere slaves?
Lute: It does not surprise me, master.
Azrael: Doesn't shock me one bit. The way they've chosen to treat me? If only I had some Scooby snacks to make them love me more... If this is how they treat us, can you imagine the doom and gloom seek to spread across creation? (he straps on his guitar as the father looks at his family one last time before closing his eyes) In my great mercy, I view it as an act of kindness to... (he shreds his guitar aggressively, producing a wave of magical vibrations that causes the Hellhound to explode, splattering gore all over himself, Lute, and the other Hellhounds, which causes the mother and her pups to whimper hysterically and huddle together in fear) ...Put them out of their misery, baby!
Lute: (shuddering in arousal) Master... That was fucking divine!! You destroyed their asses! (she removes an intestine around her shoulder) And- ahem- that was a flawless use of musical waves as well.
Azrael: You're fuckin' right it was! Keep the panties on a lil' longer, cuz if you thought that was killer... (he faces the mother and their children) Just wait...
Lute: (she stands beside Azrael with her hands on her hips while he tunes his guitar) Master, forgive me for speaking out of turn, but... (she gets intimate with Azrael) You know how I feel watching you slaughter the Hellspawn... (she begins stroking Azrael's penis through his cassock)
Azrael: (taken by surprise, he moans as Lute continues stroking) Oh, fuck... (he composes himself and chuckles) Damn, Lutey... You gettin' your engines revved up already?
Lute: FUCK YES!
Azrael: Well, come on then! (rock star screaming) KICK IT INTO HIGH GEAR!
Lute: (she leaps onto Azrael, wrapping her legs around him and kissing him passionately) We'll fornicate- (she smooches him) -right here in a pool of- (smooches him) -their blood! (she smooches him) Do I look- (she smooches him) -pleasurable to you? Is there enough blood on me?
Azrael: (puts his finger on her lips) Lutey, Lutey. Let's not worry those sexy ass horns off your head. I admire the tenaci-tay, but the bloodbath's just around the corner. I know I said kick it into high gear, but now I'm sayin' pump the breaks!
Unnamed Pup: (he breaks from his mother's grasp and begins pawing at what's left of his father's corpse in confusion) Daddy...?
Azrael: (laughs) Sorry, kiddo! I fear he's left your little band. Found a better gig.... But have no fear.... (his guitar magically lights up) You're next in line for the show. Aren't I just the nicest? (Azrael and Lute start cackling loudly as the mother holds her terrified children close with tears streaming down her eyes; still laughing, Azrael rises his hand before bringing it down on the guitar strings; end scene)" - — Azrael murdering a Hellhound family.
- "Azrael: (he is chilling by his pool, drinking from a coconut and wearing shades in the shape of the Morningstar family crest, all while two Exterminators fan him with palm fans) Ahhh... This is the life! Being the protector of the greatest fucking place ever has its perks! (to the two Exterminators) Girls, I'm starting to feel like I'm in Hell. Put some elbow grease into it! (the two Exterminators begin fanning him quicker)
Shiv: Master, aren't you going to review our forms?
Azrael: What? Oh! Yeah, of course I am! Less talking, more sparring, alright? (he continues sipping from the coconut, absentmindedly watching the sun as Shiv and her partner begin a sparring match) Yeah, you're doing great, girls! Wooo. (looks over to his palace) YO, CORNET?! Put on some jams! (an Exterminator turns on the stereo in Azrael's sanctum, which begins to play one of Azrael's albums) Oh, fuck yeah! A classic! (he leaps from his seat and begins playing an air guitar, singing a parody of "I Love Rock 'N Roll") ♫I saw them runnin' away for their damned afterlives / I knew they must a been up to no good / But then I came along / Playin' my favorite song / And I could tell it wouldn't be long / 'Til they came face to face with, yeah, me! / And I could tell it wouldn't be long / 'Til I wiped those losers out, singin' / I love smitin' sin! / Meltin' filthy souls with my sick jams, baby! / I love smitin' sin! / So, ladies, come along and smite with me, baby! OW!!!♫ (suddenly, Azrael hears the sound of a baby crying from his palace, halting the musical number) Oh, fuck no! AZURIEL!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOU'RE KILLING THE VIBE!!! (groans) Jade, would you please deal with the little cloudrat? Or stick him under the floorboards, I don't care! Just shut him the fuck up!
Jade: You know I can only keep him quiet for so long. He needs a mother's touch... Or father's touch.
Azrael: Well, Lute's away on an expedition and I'm not doing a woman's job. Now, quit giving me lip and do as you're told! (Jade heads inside Azrael's palace) Now, where was I? OH, (flips his shades back on) YEAH!!! (flies into the air and breaks out his electric guitar) ♫I LOVE SMITIN' SOULS!!! / THE ONLY GOOD DEMON IS A DEAD ONE, BABY! OW!!!!!♫ (smashes his guitar on the ground, destroying it)" - — Azrael partying by his pool.
- "Azrael: (he flies in the skies of Heaven, strumming his guitar as Lute rides on his back, both of them wearing shades; "Cum on Feel the Noize" is blaring in the background) WOO! FUCK YEAH! Nothing like a fucking cruise in the heavens of Paradise to get the juices pumpin'! Know what I mean, Lutey Patootie?
Lute: (she laughs, her eyes lighting and her cheeks blushing) I get that you're excited, but there is no time for such trivial matters when your glorious concert is on the horizon. Let's get to business, shall we, commander?
Azrael: (groans) You're right, I guess... Besides I need to check out those auditions for my backup singers. Some are cringe AF, but ya love to see it.
Lute: (she frowns and speaks in a scolding tone) We must stay focused, master. You need to snap out of this nonsense! We have a monumental job to do, the demon spawn is getting out of control.
Azrael: (frowns and pouts) You're right, I GUESS... Lutey... Why are some humans just born bad to the bone? Like why do some people just have these fucked up, gnarly, evil impulses y'know?
Lute: Because humans have free will, master. Some are born twisted while others choose to serve the Devil. That is why it's our job to stop these demons before they fester.
Azrael: Lutey, I have an idea... what if- and don't get this totally twisted - what if.... we take away that Free Willy? Then, boom, motherfucker! No fucking choice but to be fucking righteous and hot as fuck like we are.
Lute: (she removes her shades and narrows her eyes) You aren't serious, are you? Master, if humanity loses their free will, they will be mindless slaves to our will, and I find that to be extremely disgusting. (in a tone of disgust) You...you're not...serious...are you?
Azrael: Lutey, think about it, man! I'm begging yaaa! If humans can't sin they would live sinless, long lives! We won't have to descend to that godforsaken shithole annually! The Universe would finally know peace since, like, fuckin' forever! Demons, gone like the wind! And best of all, every angel would sing my praises as their savior! How could you be disgusted by such an epic idea?
Lute: Perhaps... I was too hasty in my judgment. That's actually a good idea, master. It would make things much easier for us. I'm glad you're here to finally understand the issue at hand and not just babble about human freedom and rights and such.
Azrael: (grins) Exactly! (he reaches behind himself and pats her head) I fucking knew you'd have my fucking back, Lutey Patootie.
Lute: (she smiles brightly, pleased with herself) Of course I do, master. (she leans forward and caresses his face) Once this is over, I'll work double-time to straighten out the Exterminator corps. Anything to lighten the workload off of your shoulders.
Azrael: What would I do without my faithful servant? (lands explosively in the front of his mansion) WE'RE MOTHERFUCKIN' BACK, BITCHES!" - — Azrael and Lute in their free time.
- "Azrael: Your loyalty is exemplary. A trait so hard to come by in these... Trying times.
Lute: (concerned) My master, has something unsettled you? ...Perhaps something from last night? (Azrael remains silent; Lute lets out a soft chuckle) You know, we've discovered the only way to soothe his nighttime restlessness is to have us both there. He craves his mother's and father's presence.
Azrael: (sighs) Sometimes... It just feels like you love that kid more than you love me, y'know?
Lute: (Lute sighs and clings onto Azrael as he keeps looking away) You mistake my devotion, my lord. The child may test your patience now, but remember, he is destined to grow into a Heavenborn, a radiant force against demonkind.
Azrael: One day... Until then, he's little more than a mewling inconvenience to me.
Lute: Inconvenience now, but a cornerstone of strength in time. Patience is our virtue, and time our ally. (chuckles playfully)
Azrael: (with a light grin) Well, one can hope, can they? Though, admittedly, patience is not my best quality." - — Azrael and Lute discussing their infant son, Azuriel.
- "Itchin' to fill your soul with rock 'n' roll? Ready to take on exciting new challenges? (Azrael explosively bursts through a green screen, strumming his guitar) The panties are wet and that means one thing: Archangel Azrael in the HIZ-OUUUUSE, here to recruit you into becoming a groupie, motherfucka! Apply now for a dope ass, high-stakes work environment! But this is Heaven of course, so we gotta lay down the rules slash requirements, 'kay, thotties? Rule #1: You must have eternal loyalty and obedience to me, no speaking unless spoken too! Y'know, the normal shit. Rule #2: Ya gotta be able to smite sinners and demons regardless of age or gender. We don't take prisoners up in here, baby! Sinners come in many flavors; backstabbin', murdering, and SPICAY premarital butt-fuckin'! Every second they're alive is a second they can plot against us!!! Plus... They have a DAMN good legal team. Rule #3: You girls gotta know your way around an angelic blade the way you do kitchen utensils! Forget the fluffy stuff—now's not the time for bedazzled purses. Think war-forged battle gear! You need something sharp, something blunt, and something that goes BOOM! If you lose your weapon in battle, then improvise! A shovel? Yes, please! Uh, what a girl know how to use on the fly? Uhhh.... A frying pan!!! That’s what we call Pancakes of Doom right there, bitch!!! GET CREATIVE, WHORES!!! Rule #4: Ya gotta be drop dead SEXAY, obviously! I need ya to smite Hellspawn and look DAMN FINE doin' it! It's part of God's will that you be aesthetically pleasing! It's in the Bible somewhere that the more attractive you are, the more perfectly you can use your bodacious bods to bait rapacious sinners into exposing themselves. Believe me, I checked. Apply now and join the neverending war against the damned! (strumming his guitar) ♫ Join the corps, join the corps, babeyyyy, and let's kill sum fuckin' demooooons!!!' YEAH!!! ♫ (offscreen) Bethany, you better not fuck this up 'cuz I am NOT getting into another video-edit war."
- — Azrael on the Exterminator training video.
- "Vajayjay, run out and gimme some new big, gold, juicy gee-tars. Mint condish."
- — Azrae to Vajayjay.
- "Azrael: (with Lute sitting on his lap) My, Lutey, you really know how to treat your man...
Lute: (purrs and giggles) Thank you, dearest master... Unlike the others, I would never doubt you. You are the wisest, most noble angel in all creation. If anyone should guide us, it should be you, my beloved...
Azrael: We should get together and go fuck up those Anti-Extermination losers. You're hot as fuck when you're defending my honor...
Vaggie: (enters Azrael's office and salutes) Archangel Azrael...
Azrael: GODDAMMIT!!! WHAT?! DON'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?! (sees Vaggie and grins) Ah, the dirty saint! (Lute removes herself from Azrael's lap and stands beside him) Vagatha, huh? Ooh, a low-hanging fruit! I know your parents must have fucking hated you! Well, considering your... (analyzes Vaggie's body) ...Assets, and your sacrilegious 'jobs' on Earth, your new name is... Vaggie! (Azrael bursts out laughing) Oh, man! That one's fuckin' great! (he continues laughing before noticing Vaggie frowning and looking down uncomfortably) ...Fuck, you're not big on it? 'Cuz it's either that or 'Titty Bo Jangles', bitch.
Lute: (to Azrael) Master, Private Vaggie is guilty of insubordination. She disobeyed an edict from Major Ustibella at 05:35 yesterday evening. She was instructed to smite any survivors of the Hellspawn refugees who had attempted to invade Heaven-
Vaggie: (to Lute) They were suffering! You would let children starve over some bigoted hatred?! As angels-
Lute: (Lute knees Vaggie in the abdomen, causing her to fall to the ground in pain) You dare speak over your superior officer while I am addressing the head archangel?! Hellspawn will do anything to deceive us!
Azrael: Ooh, hot chicks fighting over me! (claps) Christmas came early this year!
Vaggie: (looks up at Azrael) Master, please...
Azrael: (Azrael clenches his fist as both his fist and Vaggie are enveloped in a yellow aura; Vaggie completely stiffens and cannot speak) Tsk, tsk, tsk. Not gonna lie, you've been really fuckin' bummin' me out, Vaggie. I gave ya a chance to repent, saved ya from those fiery pits of damnation, and you took that chance and crushed it between your thighs... Real fucking uncool, babe.
Lute: Master, I recommend we throw her to the Hellhounds and sinners. Whores and Hellspawn sympathizers have no place in the light of God.
Azrael: (Azrael chuckles and unclenches his fist as Vaggie falls to the ground; to Lute) Alrighty, Lutey. Let's cool it and give this sour treat another chance, yes? I mean, we up here in Heaven are all about that sweet forgiveness, riiight? She just needs a little more... Convincing.
Lute: As you wish, master. But, I still stand that she should be punished.
Azrael: (he smirks, leaning back in his seat) Feeling's mutche', Lutey, feeling's mutche'. (he counts each punishment on his fingers) Capital punishment! Given her exceptional looks: public humiliation, followed by motherfukin' combat training. (imitating Vaggie) 'Hello, personal protection detail'! (to Vaggie) You fucking writin' this shit down, babe? You ain't just gettin' the book thrown at you. We're fucking hittin' ya with the motherfuckin' LIBRARY!!! (rock star yell) THE SHEBAAAAAANG SPECIAL! Bigtime, soul sister!
Lute: But, Master, serving you is a luxury! If I might interject, her looks are average, only slightly above par. So she will face public humiliation followed by the worst, most grueling chores and combat training available, my archangel.
Azrael: (chuckles, bringing Lute close to him) Am I detecting jealousy from my Lutie Cutie~?
Lute: (her mask turns bright red and she looks away, giggling) I-I-I-I simply think this reprobate does not deserve the pleasure of your company! And regarding punishment, public humiliation would, of course, be an absolute MUST in both cases.
Azrael: (chuckles) Certainly! However, in my great mercy, there's always a way to make some sort of suitable arrangement... (Azrael winks at Vaggie, causing Lute to frown)
Vaggie: W-... What 'arrangement', master?
Azrael: (smirking) Simple, sweet stuff. I can make your sentences as motherfucking light as the fucking feathers on my wings by having you become one of my little groupies... If you pick up what I'm layin' down. I can wipe your memory of your dirty deeds, and give ya a brand-spankin'-new start, a clean slate, a motherfucking rebrand, and a new afterlife... But, before we get this fucking show on the motherfuckin' road, you gotta swear a fucking oath to me. To provide me with undying loyalty, worship, and, of course, fulfilling my every want and desire-inos... In the name of love, of course! (he puts a hand up) Now, put your hand on your heart...
Vaggie: (Vaggie gives Azrael a burning scowl) I say... you can take your so-called "arrangement" and shove it up your ass. You think you can just turn me into your pet? I know better than to make a deal with a man. Especially with one as smug and arrogant as you! (Vaggie's mask suddenly begins flickering) W- What is this...? ...No! NO! (Vaggie screams and falls to her knees, grabbing her head in pain as her mask begins to control her) ALGUIEN POR FAVOR AYUDAME! (Vaggie's screaming eventually comes to a halt and she slowly rises to her feet, speaking in a droning voice and twitching robotically) ...We swear to you, Archangel Azrael. We will forfeit everything to you. Your words are the Gospel, and your every wish is our command.
Azrael: (he has his hand cupped to the side of his head and laughs) That's my music! (to Lute) See, Lutey? What did I fuckin' tell ya! A little convincing and they all come around. (Lute rolls her eyes as Azrael stands up and walks beside Vaggie, playing with her hair) Alright-ski! I'm headin' to fucking rehearsals! My groupies are flat as fuck, and I don't just mean singing-wise. Lutey, you're on the mic while I'm gone! Be a peach and show Vaggie what happens to those who show mercy to Hellspawn. And play nice, ladies! I need you both lookin' good for the lil' shindig we got goin' tonight! Catch ya on the flip-flop, bitches! (Azrael brings out his guitar and strums it, teleporting out of the room)" - — A flashback of Vaggie being punished by Azrael and Lute.
- "Azrael: WOO! I fuckin' LOVE a good concert! (he shoots beams of angelic energy at several buildings from the head of his guitar, nuking them) PEW! PEW! (he strums his guitar, producing waves of music that level an entire city block) ZA-POW!!! Ha ha! (a squad of demons armed with blessed firearms pull up in a van and begin firing at Azrael; he puts his hand to his head, feigning weakness and talking sarcastically) Oh, no! Have mercy on me! (he puts his hand together in a mocking prayer) Oh, Father! Please fuckin' save my ass from the big, scary demons! (he bursts into laughter) Yeah, nah! That fucking shit doesn't fucking work on me, dudes! (he yawns and lazily aims the head of his guitar at the demons) Aight, let's get this over with- (suddenly, the squad of demons are massacred by Lute in the blink of an eye, who moves on to kill more demons) WHOA, HOLY FUCK! (laughs) Look at her go! (he flies next to Lute as she is crucifying a demon to the side of a building; he slicks his horns back and leans against the wall with one arm) Uh, hey, baby. What's your name?
Lute: (she turns to him and gasps, blushing) M- Master... (she quickly salutes) Cadet Luella of Battalion 75, master! My profound apologies for erasing your quarry. I simply wanted to lighten the load off of your shoulders.
Azrael: Luella? I like your fucking style! (he extends his hand) May I have this cleanse?
Lute: (blushing as her eyes widen) That... (she takes his hand) It would be my greatest honor, master!
Azrael: Fuuuuck yeah, it would! C'mon! (he and Lute fly over to a city and begin massacring demons together, with Lute fighting on the ground while Azrael provides aerial assaults with his holy guitar) So, Luella, what made you wanna join my crusade?! Besides it being fuckin' rad, of course.
Lute: (while slaughtering demons) Common sense, master! You've kept creation safe from sin and debauchery with little reprieve! This is the least I could do! (she cuts one demon in half and uses her sword to bring an entire building down by slicing its weak points) We would all be damned without your light!
Azrael: Halle-fuckin'-lujah! Someone who gets me! (he nukes a shelter with his guitar) By any chance, you that hot-ass soldier who broke Lilly's arms for questing my methods?
Lute: Her statements regarding you and the cleanse were blasphemous at best! (she joins Azrael in the air, firing beams of light from her hands and wings) I would have cut her head off if not for Lieutenant Ava!
Azrael: Well, you have my pardon. (groans) Insubordination is such a fuckin' PLAGUE these days, man! (he vaporizes several cowering demons with his guitar) Just like these Hellspawn! Like, ugh, we fucking get it, bitches, you got a family and shit! We're just gonna wipe em' out, too!
Lute: I will fight for your honor to my dying breath! No one will question you so long as I'm around!
Azrael: Like music to my horns! (they continue killing demons together) Hey, hey, Luella, show me your fucking sword, quick, quick! (Lute holds up her sword, to which Azrael rubs his hand along the blade, enhancing it as it glows a gold color) And she shall smite the wicked. (Lute grins deviously and throws her sword down into the city below, causing a nuclear-level explosion; Azrael watches the explosion with excitement) HAHA!! Fucking look at all those fucking colors, dude!!! Ooh! Did you catch those bitches turning to bones and ashes just like THAT?! That was fucking rad!!! (shouting downward) HOW'S THAT FUCKING DIVINE DESTRUCTION, LOSERRRRRS?!?! (he holds up two middle fingers) HAHAHAHAAA!!! (to Lute) Lu, c'mon, join me!!
Lute: (she flips the double bird as well, cackling) Enjoy it, Hellspawn, for it shall be the closest you get to Heaven's light!
Azrael: FUCK YEAH!!! HEAVEN FOR FUCKING LIFE, MOTHERFUCKERS! (cackles; to Lute) Fuck, where the fuck have you been all my fucking life?!
Lute: (she calls her sword back to her hand and bows her head) You shall always have my eternal devotion. My loyalty to you is unbreakable.
Azrael: Y'know what? (he wraps his arm around Lute) I got a lil' proposish' for you. How would you like to be... My newest Lieutenant? You'll be pounding those fuckin' drums like I pound ass, leadin' the charge right alongside me! Let's rock this fucking band TOGETHER!
Lute: (she perks up) M- Master... It would be an honor! I'll admit, this is my first year serving you directly, but there is no Exterminator more devoted to you than myself, and you know better than anyone! I must ask, what will become of Lieutenant Ava?
Azrael: (shouting) AVA!!!
Ava: (she flies over to Azrael) Yes, master?
Azrael: (he blasts Ava with his guitar, vaporizing her instantly; to Lute) Ava? I hardly know him. (he and Lute share a maniacal laugh)" - — A flashback showing Azrael and Lute's first encounter.
- "Azrael: From this point on, you are my hand, my dutiful drumstick, and my instrument of divine destruction! Hmm... Instrument... (as Lute bows her head, Azrael knights her with his guitar) From this moment on, you are only known as Lieutenant Lute! The Righteous Hand of Archangel Azrael, and slayer of the unholayyyyy!!! Ya like it? Came up with it just now. I know, I'm a fucking genius.
Lute: This is truly a blessed day. I... I don't know what to say...
Azrael: (he puts his finger to her mouth) Shhh! No saying... (holds up his guitar) Only SLAYIN'! C'mon, there's an orphanage down the street with our names on it!
Lute: (unsheathes her swords) Lead the way, master!
Azrael: (begins playing his guitar to the tune of "Pour Some Sugar On Me" as he and Lute fly over to the next location) ♫Fly this way / Let's go slay / You 'n me, babe! / HEY, HEY!!!♫" - — Lute becomes Azrael's lieutenant.
- "Lutey, y'know what we should do. I should make a fucking dope introduction video for the damned where I'm like, (mimics recording a video) 'Today, we're trying out Hell for the first time! We're gonna have a blast! YEAH!!!' And then the video is just me burning Hellspawn to death and saying, 'This is Hell, sinner! Come on in!' That'd be fuckin' lit."
- — Azrael to Lute.
- "Azrael: Ayyy, Manco! My boi! My little dude! (he grabs Manco and gives him a noogie) My main man! We finally found you and your pals! All together now! (he poses with the confused Charlie's Angels as a paparazzi of cherubs fly in and take pictures of Azrael posing beside the children)
Manco: (while shielding his eyes) W- What's going on?!
Azrael: Just something for the morning paper! Everyone's gonna love me when they find out I rescued the eight, defenseless children everyone's been prattling on about! Deerie, you better make sure they get my good side!
Deerie: (reviewing the pictures) Noooo... Yeaaaaah, this is gonna look just divine on the morning paper. (while telekinetically analyzing a clipboard) Your approval rating should skyrocket by roughlyyyy... 20%.
Azrael: Glorious! Alright, get on outta here! (she and the other cherubs promptly teleport away) Welcome back home! I know what's going through your little heads (mimics fangirling) 'Ahhh, Archangel Azrael! The ultimate savior of Heaven! Ahhhh!' (he laughs and stretches smugly) Yeeaaaaah, I'm kinda famous here...
Amelia: You're Heaven's new champion? You look... Different.
Azrael: Sheeeit, it is what it is, know what I'm sayin'? Know what I mean, G? Ha, ha! Come now, you kids got a lot to catch up on!" - — Azrael and Charlie's Angels.
- "Manco: Maybe we could go back to the Hazbin Hotel one last time-
Azrael: 'Hazbin Hotel'? What in God's name is that shit? Some trendy, devil-worshipping thing, I assume? You kids and your silly imagination...
Manco: Sir, we appreciate you bringing us back here... But, it's just... You didn't even let us say goodbye...
Azrael: Forget about it, Manco. That shit is over. You're here now, and more importantly, you're safe.
Manco: ... (hangs his head) I'm sorry, sir.
Azrael: Jeez Louise, What is it with you modern winners and always being stuck in the past? (to Lute) You hear this guy? Why is he here? Does he belong here? (Lute shakes her head in disapproval) They just let anyone into Heaven these days? (he laughs) Y'know, Manco, it is illegal for winners to leave the gates of Heaven. The denizens of Heaven practically tore this place apart looking for you.
Manco: They... (he smiles softly) They did?
Azrael: Buuut, I mean, if you miss your play pal so much... Ladies?
Manco: (two Exterminators grab him by the arms) What? N- No, no, no! PLEASE, LET ME GO! PLEASE!
Arthur: HEY! Get the HELL off of him! (he tries to get to Manco, only for Lute to harshly shove him to the ground and block the seven angels' path)
Manco: NO, PLEASE! (he thrashes and screams violently)
Azrael: Defectors are to be punished... (he opens a portal to Purgatory)
Manco: GUYS, HELP ME, PLEASE!!! STOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!!!
Azrael: ...But I guess being stuck in a motel with a bunch of filthy degenerates is punishment enough! (he closes the portal and bursts into laughter) Alright, girls, set 'em down! (the Exterminators drops the shaken Manco as Azrael playfully punches his shoulder) I'm just fuckin' with you, dude! (cackles as Manco is in a fetal position, clutching his chest and trembling)
Megara: (she and Amelia kneel down to Manco, comforting him) Manco, are you okay?!
Amelia: (while gently stroking Manco's back) Shhh, shhh... Just calm down... We're always here for you...
Azrael: The fuck is this? (to Lute) Did I break him? (to Manco) What's the matter, little guy? Lemme guess; Your dad die? Got dumped by your girlfriend? Or are you just an emo loser who can't stand how awesome I am?
Giulia: (to Azrael) WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Arthur: Why did you do that?!
Lute: HOLD YOUR TONGUE OR I'll CUT IT OUT, BOY!!!
Azrael: (he slowly approaches Manco and kneels down to his level) Manco, how was I to know? The things these demons must have done to you... Tsk, tsk, tsk. But I am here for you, dude. I know we don't see eye-to-eye, yet, but I'm the only one you kids can really trust, and once you all get settled back in, everything will make sense. You only know one side of the coin, after all.
Manco: I just wanna be left alone, please...
Azrael: (shrugs) Whatever floats your boat. (to Ebony, who is walking by holding a plethora of spears and swords) Ebony?!
Ebony: (stops in her tracks) W- What? (she clumsily drops the weapons and stumbles over to Azrael, saluting awkwardly) Reporting for duty, Archangel Azrael, sir!
Azrael: Show these kids to their rooms, y'know, whenever Manco decides to shut down the waterworks, aight?" - — Azrael and Charlie's Angels.
- "Azrael: If I feel like smiting sin, I smite it. If I wanna have a spa day, you damn well bet I'm gonna have a spa day. Mostly, I try to teach my Exterminators how to sing properly. That's the life of the ultimate archangel, baby! (James, raises his hand, Azrael points at him) Yeah, you, half-pint.
James: Well, shouldn't your focus be on... safeguarding Heaven? Leading the Heavenly Host?
Azrael: Defending Heaven from what? Hell? (laughs) Those fucking chumps can't even make it past the Gates! Heaven has it all, dude; I'm talkin' the greatest food, the greatest music, the greatest of security, the greatest of everything. Anything you can imagine, Heaven has ten times better. Yours truly gets anything he want whenever he want, and I can just chillax in luxury the entire time! And it's all because of me!" - — Azrael explaining his "schedule" to Charlie's Angels.
- "Azrael: Welcome to my own little sanctuary. HAVEN, BABY!!! This is where the sausage gets made! (he tours the children to a balcony overlooking the Exterminators' training camp) Magnificent warriors, these Exorcists, aren't they? Some of them are better than others, of course, others think my concert is 'unnecessary', or act stuck-up... Disagreeable to me. But, eventually I say the right words and they fly down and feed from my hand. 'You know how it is. (to the Exterminators) DO WE OR DO WE NOT HAVE THE BEST JOB IN ALL CREATION?! (he presses a button on the head of his guitar that forces the Exterminators to uproariously cheer; Azrael laughs) This shit fuckin' rocks, dude. Ah, there's just something about watching girls thrust large shafts that I find very... Attractive. ...
Amelia: Uh... Archangel Azrael?
Azrael: What? Oh! Oh, right! On with the tour!
Simon: Why are they all girls, again?
Megara: (to Simon) What? Girls can be strong, too!
Simon: True, buuuuut everyone knows men are naturally stronger!
Megara: Are not!
Simon: Are too!
Megara: Are not!
Simon: Are too!
Megara: Are not!
Simon: Are too!
Azrael: Meg, Meg, I know you're a girl, but let Simon cook for a minute! He's onto something! Women are just a little, uh, foggy? Emotional? Not quite there when they are born into creation. So, it's up to men like me to mold them as we see fit. With my great wisdom, they've become the ultimate destroyers of sin.
Simon: (to Megara) HA! I WAS RIGHT! IN YOUR FACE!
Azrael: FUCK YEAH, MY DUDE! GIMME SOME SKIN! WOO! (Simon and Azrael share a high-five)" - — Azrael bonding with Charlie's Angels.
- "First thing's first, being the protector of Heaven totally rules, dude! My word is law! If I want a sinner or Hellspawn's head caved in, in gets caved in, just like that! All the angels bow down before me! All the demons tremble in fear and submit to my superior power! Most radical of all, I order all their corpses to be collected and displayed in my grand palace as trophies of my greatness! (a cherub takes a selfie of Azrael posing next to a massive pile of demon corpses; the archangel holds up the 'sign of the horns' gesture in one hand and flips off the dead demons with the other hand) Oh, fuck yeah! That's one's going in the next memo for sure, bro!"
- — Azrael.
- "Amelia: Archangel Azrael... Just why do you kill demons?
Azrael: (laughs) Uh, 'cuz it's my fucking job? Duh! Was that a serious question?
Amelia: Well, let's just say there's someone who taught me that with the right time and kindness, some demons can change for the better!
Azrael: Kindness? Kindness towards... Demons? Child, they are pure evil! The work of Satan! An eternal threat to God's kingdom! They kill men, poison children, spread a whole host of sins. And you think they deserve kindness?! You can't polish a demon turd into an angelic gem!
Amelia: If you would just listen-!
Azrael: I don't appreciate your tone! (he turns his nose away to the ceiling and crosses his arms as Lute stares at Amelia menacingly) No more speaking for you, little miss heretic. (he smirks) The only thing a demon deserves is the business end of our spears, so we will continue to kindly give it to them." - — Azrael and Amelia.
- "Azrael: While women are an inferior, servile species born to bend to the will of man.. (sniffs and wipes his face) they are rather fun to have around - as long as they know their place. (he grins)
Arthur: That doesn't seem right to me. What's the point of surrounding yourself with girls if you can't treat them right?
Azrael: If I treat them 'right', what else would I have to laugh at? (he laughs) Besides, these babes make me look amazing! My enemies need to look like incels; weak and inferior. You are what you surround yourself with and I'm the top dog and alpha male of Heaven! my image gets raised by proxy and they get the luxury of serving me. It's a pretty fucking sweet gig if I do say so myself!
Arthur: But... didn't Jesus in the Bible literally say that if you look at women in the wrong way "may your eyes be gouged out"?
Azrael: Are you implying J-Man said I couldn't enjoy the view?! (he scoffs) Besides... there is a solution. A solution called, 'don't get caught'. As long as you don't make it TOO obvious, you can do just about anything. (he winks to Arthur and laughs) Just look at all the priests in the human world!" - — Azrael and Arthur.
- "Azrael: (sighs) Y'know, kids... Being the protector of Paradise ain't all it's cracked up to be. I had to get by on my back as a kid. Growing up in a golden palace, having all of God's love, endless safety and security. All that shit. But, then the war happened, and, and...
Amelia: What...?
Azrael: My... My siblings wouldn't play with me! I mean, sure, mortals died and billions were suffering but, fuck me, wouldn't it have killed Gabriel to play ball with me? Or for Raphael to push me on a swing?! Purest angels in Heaven, my ass! I was supposed to be off with God but nooo, Michael wanted all the glory and saddled me with this position! WHEN I WAS 8!!! Do you know how hard it is to run a military when you don't know your ABCs?!?! (he holds back tears as Lute comforts him and Charlie's Angels look at each other in awkward confusion) But... I'm stronger now because of them. And with my new position, I'll finally achieve the one thing I've been longing for!
Arthur: And that is...?
Azrael: The genocide of all demonkind, free will for Heavenborn and Heavenborn only, and everyone worshipping me as the harbinger of order! ...Is that too much to ask?" - — Azrael explaining his motivation and endgoals to Charlie's Angels.
- "Lute: MASTER! Ebony's gone AWOL!!
Azrael: WHATCHU TALKIN' 'BOUT, WILLIS?!?!
Lute: The little maggot failed to answer during roll call and is nowhere to be found in her station! She's deserted us a mere three days away from the cleanse!
Azrael: B- But why...? How could a groupie bail on me like this? Is there anything I could have done to deserve this shit?!
Lute: Absolutely nothing, master! We'll find that miserable welp and justice shall be swiftly served! No one leaves you and lives!
Azrael: Quick, Lutey... (he points dramatically) to the Exorcistmobile! (a transition plays that parodies the 1960s Batman series transition - only with Azrael and Lute's faces -, only for it to transition to the exact same scene) Holy fuck... Lutey... (he grabs her by the shoulders, shaking her violently) THERE IS NO EXORCISTMOBILE!!!!! (he suddenly clutches his chest and falls backwards into the arms of several Exterminators, who begin fanning him as overly dramatic orchestral music blares) NO!!! FUCK!!! NOT NOW!!! (convulsing violently) SHIT! OH, FUCK NO! LUTEY, HELP ME!!! I'M HAVING A REALISTIC DEPICTION OF A PANIC ATTACK!!! (reaches his hand out) TAKE ME O' CHRIST THE LORD, MY HOLY SAVIOR!!!
Lute: (to passing Exterminators) CADETS!!! FETCH YOUR MASTER A VEHICLE OF EXCEPTIONAL CONDITION, LEST YOU FACE 100 DEMERITS AND LOSE YOUR HANDS!!! (the Exterminators fearfully dart off)
Azrael: (he shoves the Exterminators off of him) Fuck off me! (to Lute) Lutey, there's no fucking time! Hop the fuck on! (Lute jumps onto Azrael's back, holding onto his horns as if she were riding a motorcycle; Azrael brings out his guitar and strums it as the guitar's magic waves explosively propel him and Lute high into the air) ♩MISSISSIPPI QUEEEEEEEEEEN♫♩" - — Azrael and Lute's reaction to an emergency.
- "Exorcist: Master, about your recent orders, don't you think you're being a little... extreme? They're just kids, they can learn with time-
Azrael: What's that? Are you even HEARING YOURSELF? And who said you could speak?! ...Y'know what? Sure! Let's make peace with the demonhuggers! The well-wishers of Satan's spawn! Doesn't that sound like a fucking barrel of fun?! Let's practice for when we next see them! On the count of three, let's fly in the air, do jazz hands and say "FRIENDSHIP'! 1-2-3, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!!!" - — Azrael and an Exorcist.
- "Lute: Master, I recommend we deploy our cannon fodder to the front lines as a distraction, and once the enemy is baited, our ranged battalion will annihilate them from the opposite direction! That's only my suggestion, of course. Only you know what is best.
Azrael: UGH! Lute, that's a fucking terrible idea! This is why women shouldn't be allowed to think!
Lute: You're absolutely right. Forgive me, your grace.
Azrael: Wait, Lutey, I have an idea! What if we sent the undesirables - y'know, the ones with small tits and no ass - to the front, and while the Hellspawn are distracted, our arrow-shooty girls sneak up behind them and annihilate them from behind?! Classic misdirection!
Lute: Master, your plan is... Absolute genius!!! We would certainly be lost without your wisdom!
Azrael: I know, right?" - — Azrael and Lute planning.
- "Michael: I realize now that I have not treated you as I should have. I should have been there for you, not just as a commander, but as a brother. I should have guided you with compassion, understanding, and love. In my foolish pride, I left you here, alone... You deserved more than just being a soldier, brother. You deserved to be raised with care and kindness, to know that you were valued not just for your power, but for who you are. I know I can never truly repent for what I've done to you, but.. I am truly sorry.
Azrael: (while shaking his head) No, no, no, no, no... You raised me right,. You wanted me to be the most badass archangel, right? And that's what I am. You made me greater than all the other archangels. Greater than Forti... and greater than you. I don't need your pity or your apologies, broski." - — Azrael rejects Michael's apology.
- "Azrael: (reacting to Hell's clocktower striking) Like music to my horns! (to the Exorcists) ARE YOU READY TO ROCK, HOTTIES?!
Lute: LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOO!!!!" - — Azrael and the Exterminators before commencing the Extermination.
- "Nothing like some good old animal cruelty, am I right? Haha! I'll be here all night, sinners!"
- — Azrael while slaughtering Hellhounds.
- "You fucks diggin' the concert?! (Azrael nods to the sounds of the sinners dying and screaming, a shit-eating grin on his face) Now, I'll fuck you up in a moment, but now I wanna fucking talk about this "Archangel of Death" shit you've been fucking calling me? ...Cuz that fucking shit FUCKIN' ROCKS! I'll give you cocksuckers this, you're fucking good with cookin' up the fucking most heavy metal-est fuckin' shit ever. (he begins playing his guitar) In fact, me and the bitches made a fucking song about it. You'll fuckin' LOVE it. (he motions over to his back-up singers) Bitches, if you please..."
- — Azrael before his musical number "The Archangel of Death".
- "Azrael: Keep the clock going!
Heaven Messenger: But... Archangel Azrael! The cleanse only lasts for 24 hours! Any longer would be a violation of the accord between He-
Azrael: I said... (he hovers over the messenger menacingly, pointing the spear in the head of his guitar at them) KEEP THE FUCKING CLOCK GOING!!! (he grins sinisterly) We're gonna rock the night away..." - — Azrael continuing the cleanse.
- "Azrael: (he throws a demon corpse at Lute's feet that has its brain spilling out of its head) Eat the brain, Lutey!
Lute: With all due respect, master... why the fuck?
Azrael: EAT!!! EAT THE BRAIN!
Lute: Master, this is farcical!
Azrael: EAT IT!
Lute: Why can't YOU eat it?
Azrael: (in his Full Angel Form) EAAAAAT. EAT ITS BRAIN, LUTEYYYYY
Lute: Master-
Azrael: IT'S THE ONLY WAAAYYYYYY
Lute: ...Yes, sir. (she quickly goes to town on the brain, chowing down quickly and savoring every morsel)
Azrael: (back to normal, in a supportive, fatherly tone) You're doing it, Lutey! Good job! Alright! Go, Lutey, go! So talented! (Lute looks up at Azrael like a pleased puppy dog after finishing)" - — Azrael having Lute eat a demon's brain for fun.
- "Azrael: Girls, why did you stop killing?! What the fuck is this?!
Lute: (to Azrael) It's the half-breed princess and her paramour, master!
Azrael: (joyfully) HOT LESBIANS?! (he looks down at Charlie and Vaggie, excitedly squishing his cheeks together) Are they gonna start making out for me?!" - — Azrael and Lute upon being confronted by Charlie and Vaggie during the Extermination.
- "Azrael: Because of those schismatic brats, everybody in Heaven's heard of your little hotel. Your club for devil-worshipping freaks. I guess that makes you the Queen of Freaks then.
Charlie: Those 'brats' told me that thousands of angels in Heaven were willing to fight for my hotel. To give sinners a chance at redemption! Doesn't that mean ANYTHING to you?
Azrael: (he gasps and his eyes sparkle; profound music swells) It... it does. It means... It means... (the music stops abruptly) It means I have a thousand more whiny, snowflake dipshits to kick out. (to the Exorcists) JIZZABELLE, START WRITING DOWN NAMES!" - — Azrael and Charlie standing against each other.
- "Azrael: You think your fucking hotel means anything? Well, how about fucking this; imagine if a fucking kid diddler came knockin' at your fucking door! What fucking then, bitch?!
Charlie: Well... I- I-...
Lute: (whispering to Azrael) Gagged her like a fat dick. (she fistbumps Azrael)
Azrael: Or- Or how about fucking this?! What if, say, I was a fucking sinner and came to your fucking hotel?! What if the big fucking kahuna who's been choppin' down your filthy, piece of shit people came to your fucking front door?! (Lute leans her elbow on Azrael's shoulder, smirking) Would you fucking 'redeem' me, bitch?! Would you?
Charlie: (Charlie begins flaring as she clenches her fist) ...Yes.
Azrael: HA! FUCK YOU, C***!!! (he flips Charlie off) I FUCKING KNEW- Duh, say what now?
Charlie: Yes. (she steps forward as Azrael and his Exorcist army hover over her)...I would. I fucking HATE you... but if you or the worst sinner came to the hotel's doors and TRULY wanted to find hope in the darkest places... I would try. I don't give a fuck what you or Heaven or anyone think of the hotel, 'cause I believe in it and EVERYONE within its walls! (all of Charlie's allies come to her side, standing to defend Hell itself)
Azrael: (he laughs) Hope and Hell don't fucking mix, Chodey. Hell is eternal, and your hotel is an eternal fucking failure! But hey! It was nice of all your fucking palsies to show up in one fucking place so my bitches could fuck their asses up. Real fucking smart, ya has-been dipshits!" - — Charlie and Azrael's confrontation.
- "Oh, princess... I really did try to be agreeable. I was content with letting you and your friends play house... But it seems my efforts were in vein. So, I'll cease my efforts... And give you real reasons to fear me."
- — Azrael threatening Charlie.
- "Azrael: (watching as the Exorcists' archers fire arrows at the hotel, which are being dissolved by Roo's invisible shield) WHAT?! Dammit- LUTE!!! (Lute promptly flies over to Azrael) Why the fuck aren't our arrow-shooting babes bringing down that shitstack hotel?!?!
Lute: There's some satanic field protecting the exterior, master! (she growls) How the FUCK is it withstanding our weaponry?!
Azrael: (he growls in anger; to Lute and the archer battalion) If you fucking, dumbass egg cartons make me look bad at this concert, I WILL SHOOT MYSELF WITH A BOW AND ARROW!!!!" - — Azrael and the Exorcists during the War in Hell.
- "WATCH OUT, GIRLS! I'M GOING SICKO MOOOOODE!!! HAHAHAHAAA!!!"
- — Azrael as he slaughters Hell's army and his own soldiers with energy beams.
- "(while watching Lute cut down Hell's dragon reinforcements) Haha!!! Lutey is FUCKING out here!!! (to the Exorcists) You bitches fuckin' see this fuckin' shit?! That dragon got motherfuckin' bi-sected up there! "Dragon" Lutey's fuckin' tits 'cross its fuckin' face!! (to Lute) Lute, you're makin' my tip drip out here, babe!!! (looking down) Hope the crowd brought a fuckin' umbrella... (cackling as dead dragons fall from the sky) Lutey's flickin' beans out here!!!"
- — Azrael watching Lute basically solo Hell's forces.
- "Haha! Suck on that, bitches! Have fucking fun cleaning that shit up!"
- — Azrael after using his guitar's energy blasts to carve his name into Pentagram City.
- "(Azrael cackles as the sinners of Hell shoot at him, their bullets bouncing off of him) Oh nooo! Bullets! My one weakness! Please spare me, demon spawn! Pffft-HAHAHAHA!!! (he points at his halo) What part of 'archangel' DON'T YOU UND- (a buttplug hits Azrael in the face, knocking him back slightly) GAH! FUCKING SHIT!!! OKAY, WHICH ONE OF YOU SHITSTAINS THREW THAT?!"
- — Azrael taunting sinners during the War in Hell.
- "What is it with you women and your constant gossip? How about instead of discussing which nail polish to use tomorrow, or which skirt goes with your eyes, you, I dunno, GET BACK TO FUCKING KILLING?!"
- — Azrael interrupting Ebony's plea with the Exorcists.
- "Azrael: Ha! My groupies fucking love me! They do anything I say, gladly! Just watch! (to the Exterminators) Any Exorcist who kills this annoying bitch gets a nice, shiny... Uuuuh, what do you girls like? A purse, nah, nah, too expensive. Lipstick... (to Lute) Uh, Lutie Cutie, what's that thing you girls stick up you...
Lute: Tampon, mas-
Azrael: (to the Exorcists) TAMPON! I said it first! Yes, a new tampon! Isn't that fucking exciting?!" - — Azrael trying to sway the Exorcists from listening to Ebony.
- "(laughs insanely, his guitar crackling with lightning as he mind controls the Exorcists using the remote link to their masks on his guitar) What do you think this is? A women's rights march?! NO!!! It's MY CONCERT!!! And none of you are going to stop smiting on my fuckin' watch!!! (eyes glow yellow with power) EVER!!!"
- — Azrael after forcibly controlling the rebelling Exterminators via their masks.
- "Azrael: You women really need your friends' help for everything, huh?! (Azrael is suddenly hit with a missile) W-WHAT?!
Cherri Bomb: Forgetting someone, cocksucker?
Azrael: THE FUCK U SAY TO ME, U LITTLE SHIT?!" - — Azrael and Cherri's memetic exchange.
- "Oh, look it's Manco! (he aims the head of his guitar at Manco, who stumbles back nervously as Azrael backs him against a wall) You really spillin' the beans on our little secret, brah? Fuck, it's such a fucking bummer you had to go all snowflake like the rest of these 'tards. [...] Gotta say, bro, I'm surprised that a pussy like you managed to channel those fucking rad concussive blasts. I guess you aren't COMPLETELY fucking worthless. You maybe even had the chops to be a kick ass soldier! My fuckin' rock 'n' fuckin' roll drummer, man! Sure, you're a bit of a youngster, but hey, that’s why the big boys call it the 'infantry'. (he laughs loudly, before switching to a serious expression and tone, a lighting bolt at the head of his guitar charging up) But for real, fuck you, kid."
- — Azrael to Manco after the latter revealed Azrael was using his guitar to control the Exorcists.
- "That's what you fuckers do best, right? Destroying everything sacred and beautiful?! In your attempts to open our eyes you've only proved me right! Once a sinner, always a sinner! And that's the GOSPEL TRUTH!"
- — Azrael.
- "That was almost as easy as slaughtering billions of your precious subjects! It's funny, really! You could have just stayed with Daddy in your little tower, playing princess and keeping all of those worthless, blasphemous ideas in your head, but women just never wanna learn their place, now do they? Ah, well! Goodnight, sweet princess!"
- — Azrael.
- "Charlie: (mockingly) What's the matter? Can't beat a little girl with her head in the rainbows?
Azrael: (he growls) SHUT UP! (he fires multiple destructive blasts of lightning at Charlie from his guitar)
Charlie: (she teleports, dodging every blast save for one that burns her arm, she smiles through the pain) Oh, of course I could never talk sense to you! I'm talking to the guy who thinks women's purpose is to pop out babies and wash dishes! That's about as forward thinking as a reversing car! (Azrael roars and shreds his guitar, creating an omnidirectional holy blast that sends Charlie barreling into a wall, she chuckles and spits out blood) Maybe if you had used your one brain cell to learn some empathy, your family wouldn't have left you.
Azrael: (he screams so loudly that it produces yellow shockwaves that split Pentagram City apart) FUCKING CUUUUUUNT!!!!" - — Charlie degrading Azrael during their fight.
- "Looks like it's the end for you, lesbi-owns."
- — Azrael taunting Charlie and Vaggie.
- "Hey, Chodey! I hope whoever you got safe and secure in that hotel has their cameras ready, 'cuz it's time for the money shot, and Azrael's CUMMIN' AT'CHA!"
- — Azrael before his failed attempt to destroy the hotel, leading to the destruction of his guitar.
- "YOU FUCKS DESTROYED EVERYTHING!!! NOBODY GETS ME!!! YOU'RE ALL TOO FUCKING STUPID TO SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE!!!! I JUST WANTED ORDER!!!"
- — Azrael's breakdown after the destruction of his favorite guitar.
- "SERA!!!! YOU FUCKING HERETIC! WHEN I GET BACK TO HEAVEN, I'M GONNA DISEMBOWEL YOUR LITTLE SLUT SISTER, THAT PIECE OF SHIT SPEAKER, AND EVERY MOTHERFUCKING, GODDAMN COCKSUCKER YOU LOVE!!!!"
- — Azrael after losing his wings, and while futilely trying to attack Sera.
- "Lute: (shoving Exorcists off of her) GET OFF ME! (she frantically runs to Azrael's side and kneels beside him as he rolls to look at her with a glazed look in his eye) Master! Please! Talk to me!
Azrael: (weakly) Lutey... Come closer...
Lute: (she leans into him, offering her hand) Yes, master?
Azrael: (he takes her hand) This is it... I'm going home... (he goes motionless)
Lute: (she fights back tears) No, A-Azrael... You can't die...
Azrael: (he suddenly lunges forward, dropping the facade and flailing his arms angrily) DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BITCH! And that's Archangel Azrael to you!
Lux: (floats near Azrael) Not anymore, biiitch~
Azrael: W- What...?
Lux: I took away your divine powers. Wanna know why? You've went against everything Heaven is all about. Forgiveness, goodwill... (Lux sounds genuinely pissed) You turned your back to humanity, denied Paradise to the pious so you could kill them, and you dare to call yourself an archangel? Who are you to decide who gets in and who doesn't? Only God can do that, and I do not recall Him inviting you to judge people and decide who's worthy of damnation. If you're incapable of using your incredible gifts to protect people and save the 'unsavable'... then you don't deserve them.
Azrael: (Azrael glances at his arms, which are no longer glowing a holy light; he looks at Lux angrily) You... fucking took away my damn powers?! Oh, you fucked up BIG TIME, Glow-Getter! These dipshits poisoned your mind or something! You should hate these fuckers more than anyone! What makes YOU think these pieces of shit are worth our mercy?!
Lux: Well, the fact that I was sent here, to Hell, to assist the Princess with redeeming sinners is a preeeeetty big sign. But, uh, besides that... (Lux looks over to Charlie and the hotel gang, who look back at them with looks of admiration) It just doesn't make sense to me if Hell is eternal. Why should some souls face an eternity of damnation for a finite crime? I have seen the most vile, hardened sinners turn over a new leaf. Yeah, people fuck up, but that's the reality of life and human nature. They need help.... not punishment. (Lux shares a smile with Charlie, floating over as Charlie embraces Lux in her arms)
Lute: ...Oh, FUCK THIS SHIT!!!
Azrael: YEAH, FUCK THIS SHIT! (he struggles to his feet, facing Lux, the Seraphim sisters, and the Hazbin gang) I'm motherfucking Archangel Azrael! The greatest archangel in Creation, a bohemian soul, and above all, a lover of rock 'n roll. Y- You're just some overrated, nepo-baby light bulb apostate!!!! Without me, everything will all go to SHIT!!! I fucking made Heaven the raddest fucking place ever, and you're going to listen to some dumb blonde c*** and her lame ass, crack whore circus over me?! (Azrael flutters his mostly burned wings, as if trying to fly; he gets about two feet off the ground before crashing down next to Lute; defeated, he barely musters the strength to raise his arm and flip Lux off) Fuckin' lame, man..." - — Lux's confrontation with Azrael after the War in Hell.
- "Lute: (she sighs and looks up at Azrael) What's the directive now master...?
Azrael: (he sighs) You know, Lutey... I was wondering the same thing... But now I'm thinking... maybe this is all a... blessing in disguise...
Lute: How...? (angrily) No, really?! Fucking HOW?!?! (up-tempo music plays) In what reality is this POSSIBLY a blessing?!
Azrael: (singing to the tune of "Happy Day in Hell") ♫Lutey, think deeply and be more streetwise / It's merely, uh, a vacation, a holy surprise! / And, my north star, though you may disagree / It's our salvation... / A Blessing in Disguise!♫
Vaggie: Actually, it's a punishment, dipshit.... you're being punished-
Lute: Sire... ♫My devotion to you will always come through / Though we may burn with the demons we slew / Despite my reserves, I can't agonize / As long as I'm with you...
Azrael/Lute: (they hold hands and pose together) ♫It's a Blessing in Disguiiiise!♫
Charlie: Actually, it-
Azrael: (he holds up a pair of roller skates) ♫Lutey, Heaven's so thoughtful, nice and carefree!♫
Charlie: Guys, yo-
Lute: (she excitedly holds up a holy missile from a pile of rubble) ♫We're blessed with a respite, a benevolent decree♫
Charlie: HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE BEING-
Azrael: (he rollerskates down the street with Lute by his side, who is proudly sitting on the activated missile, using it to fly beside him) ♫In the meantime, we can plot the next cleanse and harmonize♫ / We're motherfuckin' free!♫
Azrael/Lute: ♫A Blessing in Diguiiiiise!!!♫ (they both ride off into the sunset)" - — Azrael and Lute in the aftermath of their defeat.
Shorts
- "Lute: (she arrives in Azrael's throne room for a report, battle damaged and covered in blood; she kneels) The opposition has been eliminated, master.
Azrael: (he fist-pumps) Fuck yeah! Righteous! That's an announcement that's gonna make all the bitches wet in my next concert. And damn, Lutie, look at you! You got aaaall fucked uuuuup! Don't tell me those demon losers gave you too hard a time...
Lute: (she dusts her shoulders off) They gave us a fight, as usual, the filthy mutts. But, grovel and resist as they might, my blade still ended up buried in their worthless hides. All the damage you see is... purely superficial! And this blood isn't mine, obviously.
Azrael: Ah, they wanted a piece of that Lutie Patootie? (he nods and shrugs) Big relate, honestly. (he circles Lute, staring at her from behind) And, Lutie, might I say, that blood splatter is pretty fuckin' hot!
Lute: (she tilts head) It... it is?
Azrael: Hotter than Uriel's white hot Light of God, babaay!!! There's somethin' about it that screams 'I'm Archangel Azrael's righteous battleaxe, #1 meatrider, and I'm not to be fucked with!' ...Y'know, 'cept by me, fucking obviously. HAHA!
Lute: .... (hard cut to the aftermath of an Exorcist mission; Lute is frantically lathering herself using the intestines of a slain Chernabog, using it like a bar of soap) Must... have more... BLOOD...
Raven: (she and another Exorcist walk in on Lute) Your report, Lieute-
Lute: RETURN TO THE FUCKING MESS HALL!!!!" - — Lute reports back to Azrael after a mission.
- "Azrael: (he sits on the couch next to Azuriel - who is gaming on his little console, kicking back) Heeeey there, champ! Fuck any demon shit up today?
Azuriel: (he scoffs and stays locked in on the game) A lot. And don't call me 'champ', father. I am your offspring and future Exorcist commander, not some overachieving sports player...
Azrael: (he laughs, putting his hands up) Whoa-ho, okay. Whatever you fuckin' say, hot shot.
Azuriel: (awkward pause; Azuriel sighs) If you are here to drag me into another one of your wooing endeavors-
Azrael: (he suddenly flies over, obnoxiously wrapping an arm tightly around Azuriel, who has an expression that reads "kill me now") So, I was having a thinking sesh earlier, and I figured, how about you help me pick up this flock of Thrones chicks I've been scopin' out?
Azuriel: (he wiggles out from Azrael's arm) NO, father! I already told you, I refuse to be used as a tool for your womanizing! Furthermore, why the fuck would that require me in any way?
Azrael: Uh, cuz you're a kid, you're (pained) 'cute' - I guess - and if there's two things bitches love, it's cute kids and the fuckable guys who look after 'em. All you gotta do is stand by me, maybe talk about how fucking rad of a dad I am, let me do the yappin', the tappin', the clappin', and I'll have their wings fucked out by sundown. (he mimics an explosion noise) EXPLOSIVO!!! It'll be fuckin' righteous! What do ya say, sport?
Azuriel: I. Am not. Some 'cute kid'!!! (he crosses his arms with an adorable, pouting face) ...Fine, whatever... But if you embarrass me or make shit up, I'll never do anything you say again! And- And if I'm doing this shit, you have to buy me double fudge ice cream afterward! ...Don't tell mom.
Azrael: (he pats Azuriel's back) Totally! Hehe. Totally. (hard cut to Azrael showing Azuriel to a group of female Thrones angels) Oh! Look who just so happened to be here! (he wraps an arm around a clearly unamused Azuriel) Ladies, feast your eyes on my kick-ass, righteous, rock 'n' roll son, Azuriel!
Thrones Angels: (in unison) Aaaaaawwww!
Azuriel: (with no enthusiasm whatsoever) I have the best dad ever...
Azrael: Yeah, yeah. He's a total badass, too, like me. He's already got his own axe, killed his first sinner, blown his first load-
Azuriel: Wh-! (frantic, to the aghast Thrones Angels) THAT LAST THING DIDN'T HAPPEN YET!!!
Azrael: Ha, ha! Oh, my bad sport, I forgot you were my kid. (to the Thrones Angels, holding up two fingers) He blew TWO loads. In a row.
Azuriel: FATHER!!!!!" - — Azrael "bonding" with Azuriel.
- "Azrael: (he is casually filming on a smartphone while he, Lute, and Azuriel are slaughtering demons, aiming the camera at Lute as she massacres a hoard) Fuck, rockin' these demon shit-for-brains 24/7 is a fucking chooore, dude! Thank fuck I got this mothafuckin' bodacious battleaxe of a fucking angel on my fucking side! (Lute kills three demons in one slice; Azrael laughs) Whoa-ho-ho! Lutie, pump the breaks! You're makin' Azuriel look like shit! (he turns the camera to Azuriel, who is wrestling with a single small imp) Am I fuckin' right, Azu-Kazoo?!
Azuriel: (he wrestles an imp to the ground, stabbing it between the eyes with a sacrificial holy knife; he notices Azrael and facepalms) Dammit, father! Stop filming us, for Grandfather's sake!
Azrael: (yelling over the phone) HEY!!! DON'T FUCKIN' TELL ME WHAT TO DO, DIPSHIT!!! My editing dude needs rad footage for the next music vid! Less bitchin', more smitin'!
Azuriel: When can I bring my guitar to battle?!
Azrael: When you're old enough to get your cheery popped, Little Lightning. (shouting aside to demons) WATCH OUT, FUCKTARDS!! AZU-KAZOO IS COMIN' FOR YOU!!! (whispering) We're gonna make so many bitches wet with this shit..." - — Azrael getting footage for his music video.
- "Azuriel: Mooooom, can we get Golden Arches after this?
Lute: No son of mine is going to gorge himself with such slop.
Azuriel: (whiny) But mooooooom!!!
Lute: (sternly) I said-!
Azrael: Whoa-ho, Lutey! Azu-Kazoo's got a point! Usually don't agree with the little shit, but let's rock with this one...
Lute: (she groans and rolls her eyes) ....If you both can smite a minimum of 77 Hellspawn, I will... get you both the Deluxe Divine WackDonald's meal.
Azuriel: (fist-pumps) Fuck yeah!!!
Azrael: WITH A TOY?!?!?!" - — Lute, Azrael and Azuriel before a cleansing.
Trivia
- He is very loosely based on the angel of the same name, who, in Islamic religions, is depicted as the angel of death who transports the souls of the recently deceased away from their bodies.
- He is described by the series' creators as being "Azrael-in-name-only".
- In Hebrew, "Azrael" means "Angel of God" or "God has Helped".
- His theme song would be "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard.
- He is likely meant to be the JTTL version of Adam, an antagonist in Hazbin Hotel.
- Azrael is Superjamturtle's favorite character (MUH BOI!!!!).
- He is also Superjamturtle's favorite character to write, they had the time of their lives writing him in Chapter 5 and can't wait to write him more in the futch' (we will be reunited..)
- While writing Chapter 5, the series' authors used various rock artists such as Tenacious D and AC/DC as inspirado for Azrael.
- The series' authors view both Azrael and Lute to be irredeemable villains. They find them to be such enjoyable characters and believe that they should not be redeemed precisely because they are allowed to fully embrace their fun and diabolical nature as a goofy and love-to-hate villain duo.
- Azrael's hammy personality, speech pattern, and mannerisms are heavily inspired by real-life actor and musician Jack Black.
- In the Exterminator training video, Azrael wears an outfit reminiscent of Dewey Finn, Jack Black's character from the 2003 film School of Rock. The way he coaches the Exterminators how to kill and sing is also similar to how Dewey teaches his students how to be in a band.
- Azrael's cassock with a giant "A" on the front is meant to resemble a letterman jacket, foreshadowing his dudebro, frat boy-esque attitude.
- His favorite instrument besides the guitar is a holy, golden Sax-a-Boom, which is a real-life children's toy instrument.
- His habit of playing the Sax-a-Boom is yet another homage to Jack Black (Azrael's inspirado and headcanon voice), who frequently plays the aforementioned instrument at live Tenacious D shows.
- Azrael's guitar is not only his favorite instrument but also a source of his power. He can charge his powers and empower himself by shredding the guitar, amplifying his angelic power, conjuring more wings, and boosting his strength. That's the secret sauce, bitch!!!
- Would be a very bad team player because he prefers to be the leader and in control of others, rather than being a contributing member of a team or listening to someone's advice.
- Azrael almost never calls other characters by their actual names, opting to give nearly everyone he interacts with a nickname.
- Like all Morningstars, Azrael can travel to the Empyrean any time he wants, but doesn't due to his disdain for his siblings (there's blood in the water....).
- So far, Forti and Azrael are the only members of the Morningstar family that Charlie has personally interacted with.
- He was 8 years old when he succeeded Michael as Heaven's defender.
- Despite claiming to be eternally loyal to God, Azrael was ironically making his Creator's sacrifice for humanity moot and all for nothing by making it significantly more difficult for human souls to be accepted into Heaven.
- Even though it is his signature instrument and weapon, Azrael is terrible at playing the guitar and mostly shreds it with no rhyme or reason, but everyone is afraid to tell him this because Lute will murder them for upsetting him.
- Has four pet Heavenly Horses named Chode, Dick, Rodney and Cumdump.
- His favorite guitar chord is the D chord.
- Has a tattoo of his own name in thunderbolt font on his left shoulder.
- Was scared of Blade.
- Despite one of Azrael's cardinal sins forbidding "being gay", he seems to enjoy fetishizing sapphic relationships and loves seeing lesbians make out, as shown by him excitedly asking Lute if Charlie and Vaggie were going to make out for his pleasure when the two confronted him before the War in Hell.
- It is possible that Azrael is left-handed or ambidextrous, as he plays his guitar predominantly with his left hand.
- Enjoys collecting angelic guitars and magical motorcycles, keeping an extensive selection of them in his sanctum, since they fit his rock star gimmick.
- Despite his wings being burned off, Azrael can still travel around by twirling his destroyed guitar above his head, like a makeshift helicopter. Lute does the same thing, but with her sword.
- Favorite snacks are donuts and froyo.
- Originally, Azrael and Lute's arc ended with them being swarmed by sinners following their banishment, with Azrael using Lute as a distraction to save his own skin. The reason this was changed was to give Az and Lute a happier and more whimsical exit.
- Both Azrael and Lute are meant to serve as dark parallels to Charlie and Vaggie. Much like Vaggie, Lute is violently protective of her lover as well as being stoically serious, strict, and prone to confrontation and violence. Likewise, Azrael and Charlie are the goofy and laid-back ones of the respective couples who love bursting into huge musical numbers at any given moment. The most notable difference between the two couples is that Charlie and Vaggie fight to have redeemed souls sent to Heaven, while Azrael and Lute massacre demons to keep them out of Heaven. Additionally, while Vaggie tries to keep Charlie's expectations in check so she that the princess isn't disappointed if her plans don't work out, Lute (usually) goes along with every single thing Azrael says or plans.
- Very ironically, Azrael displays all of the Seven Deadly Sins:
- Pride: He has a perpetual holier-than-thou attitude, treating everyone as a subordinate or groupie. He believes himself to be "El Capitano" and that he can do anything he wants because he is a being of virtue and "God's champion". He preaches to Heaven's denizens that loyalty and subservience to himself is the most important thing to angelkind, rather than encouraging virtues. Furthermore, he loves lapping in the adulation and praise he receives from Heaven's denizens and uses it to boost his ego.
- Envy: He has the tendency to get very bitter towards Lute and give her the cold shoulder whenever she shows affection to anyone but him, usually their own son, Azuriel. He also grew to loathe humanity for his siblings taking time to heal and inspire them after the War in Heaven, rather than indulging his shitty guitar solos.
- Lust: He is very sexually active with his "groupies", his female fans, and the female soldiers under his command. He also constantly harasses the female angels of Heaven with his advancements and generally views women as disposable and incompetent sex objects.
- Wrath: He does not react well to defiance or when someone dares to question or challenge his views, and is quick to banish any angel who does so. He also sent intentionally Charlie's Angels to the Greed Ring when they requested to go back to the Hazbin Hotel, essentially dooming them, just because he couldn't convince them to be his devout fans.
- Gluttony: He indulges excessively in concerts, having sex with female angels, and embarks on purposeless escapades instead of fulfilling his responsibilities as Heaven's protector. In terms of the more traditional displays of Gluttony, he is shown to be very fond of fast food such as Golden Arches.
- Sloth: He never actively defends Heaven from threats, usually because he is too busy flirting with or hosting salacious parties or concerts with his female underlings. He has the Exterminators or Heaven's military do his own job for him so that he can take the credit. At one point, he even forces the Exterminators to be a living bridge he could walk across because he was too lazy to fly across a gap to Haven.
- Greed: He keeps a collection of holy guitars and hoards them, viciously shouting at his assistants to find him more after he carelessly smashes them during his performances.
- Ironically and fittingly, all of the key players in Azrael's defeat are women:
- The charm Roo created to protect the Hazbin Hotel destroys Azrael's guitar in his attempt to demolish the building, freeing the Exorcists from his control.
- Serenity indirectly burns his wings off, rendering him immobile.
- Vaggie impales him from behind, allowing Lux to strip him of his powers.
- Sera has him stripped of his archangel status and banished to Hell.